This had the effect of both helping him seal away and therefore compartmentalise the memory ( which was so much easier once the PTSD had been ameliorated ), and also lending a kind of healing , ritualistic and respectful sense of funeralising the memory . I talked of a casket , and " respectfully keeping that memory safe ." After all , the dead man we were talking about was " barely more than a boy ."
Step four : Focus on current principles
Gavin had been so impacted by what he ' d done and lost so much respect for his military superiors that he had
globalized these feelings towards all aspects of himself and all authority figures ( some of whom might be actually worthy of their vested authority ).
As a kind of
Socratic question I asked Gavin whether anyone might have done what he ' d been ordered to do and not cared about it so much .
He thought long and hard about this and finally said , " Yeah . I actually knew guys like that . They didn ' t really think about that kind of thing . Most did but a few wouldn ' t . They were really callous ."
I further suggested that " what you did back then was something you did within the unique context of the situation . The fact you care so much about it tells us something really important about who you really are ."
I said that maybe over the coming days some of the important questions as to who Gavin really was may become apparent to him as his unconscious mind worked though something really important .
Step five : Help your client live in the present
Gavin returned the following week telling me that , ” despite everything " he wasn ' t a bad person .
" Who you were at the time is not who you are now ," I suggested . " And what perhaps you had to do back then isn ' t what you have to do as you progress through life ."
Gavin had that wonderful gift of being able to truly listen and examine , fairly , what was said to him . He was still relatively young . He still had a journey to