But it is possible to change your behaviour . By addressing the issues outlined here , you can shift the dynamics of your relationship and , as many of my clients report , be happier than ever .
1 . Celebrate Each Other ’ s Differences
Some people are more matter-of-fact in their thinking , some are more emotional and some are more creative . If we all thought the same way , it would be impossible to function as a society . The same goes for a relationship : two people with different strengths make a better team . Be interested in your partner and the people around you and appreciate their special qualities . TRY writing a list of the positive differences between you , what each of you is good at and what you like doing . It will help you to understand each other better . Then write a list of the household chores that need to be done and divide them equally between you based on which jobs suit you best .
2 . Curb Your Criticisms
Lots of relationships are spoiled by repetitive negative behaviour such as constant nagging or criticism . A pattern begins to form so that as soon as one person does or says something , the other responds negatively . But these interactions are learned behaviour that can be changed . TRY saying something out of context . When niggles arise between you or one is trying to control the other , say something silly such as , ‘ Green star , green star , green star .’ Your partner will be so taken aback it will throw them – and it may even make them laugh . ‘ Green star ’ can be a gentle code warning to back off , so they know that the line of what is acceptable has been crossed . But most importantly , it will change the habits of communication between you .
3 . Tap Into Cuddle Power
People are not machines that can be turned on and off . Couples are often distracted by what ’ s going on around them – by technology , sport , kids , work , family or friends . When that happens , it may be that the only time you pay attention to one another is when one of you wants sex , which is very offputting . Or maybe you don ’ t want sex because you are tired or cross with them . Learn to be close without expecting to have sex . Tell your partner , ‘ I don ’ t want sex , I just want a cuddle .’ TRY buying each other a special mug . Choose one that you think your partner will love . Graciously accept whatever mug they buy for you and every time you use it say to yourself , ‘ My husband / wife / partner loves me ’ and it will remind you how much you care for each other . Show each other kindness and love and you will reap the rewards .