Caring in a Good Way
No matter how good your intentions are, caring in some ways can make a person feel worse than before.
Sympathizing can harm others
Be careful offering your sympathy to people who have suffered. Sometimes this will make things worse. Reading into your sympathy a person who has survived abuse and trauma may be reminded that they have experienced something terrible, and this can be very disempowering. Treat them like how you think they want to feel, not how you think they feel. Instead of sounding sorry for them, offer your help and support in a neutral voice, allowing them to calibrate their emotions.
Empathizing can harm you
To empathize with another person’ s trauma by imagining what they have been through is unnecessary and can put you at risk of developing a secondary trauma.
Compassion empowers
If you offer others your help in a way that empowers them, you will make them feel strong. This allows you to respect their pain and experience in a positive way. If you want to help a soldier, remember that his or her value system is
built around self-sufficiency. Sympathy can be insulting and provoke aggressive responses, empathy too. Treat a survivor with respect, warmth and good humor.
We often say“ I cannot imagine how you feel, or what you have been through, but I am here for you and would like to offer my support if you wish to receive it.”
Picking up Emotions
Have you ever experienced a contagious mood where somebody else’ s joy or anguish seems to slip inside you, as if it was transferred?