… say what you have, and don’ t be embarrassed to say you have it.”
According to Dr. Green, people close to headache sufferers need to read about the biology of migraine, so they understand it’ s every bit as tangible as a heart attack or stroke. Dr. Schim recommends patients bring their spouse or significant other to office appointments, so they can listen to the conversation and hear directly from the doctor that migraine is an extremely complicated condition.
But if those closest to you still struggle with sympathy, it might be time to seek professional help. Many doctors refer patients to family counselors or therapists.
“ Sometimes, a spouse doesn’ t see you resting in a dark room with a puke bucket next to you. They only see the end result:‘ You didn’ t pick up the kids? What happened?’” Dr. Schim says.“ It can be helpful to have a forum where you can be open and honest, and where you feel comfortable talking about your issues.”
ASKING FOR EMPATHY
Often, the sympathy gained from open, honest communication and understanding is all the support a migraineur needs. But if words aren’ t enough, don’ t be afraid to let people know. For example, adult migraineurs might need a flexible schedule at work, and students might need to adjust testing schedules.
Family, friends and coworkers also can help with trigger management and treatment.
“ The general principle with people with migraines is their brains don’ t like change: change in stress, change in sleep, change in meals, change in fluids, etc.,” Dr. Green says.“ Making sure migraineurs don’ t miss meals, getting rid of things like fluorescent lights— migraineurs will function better if you meet them halfway, so it’ s worth everyone’ s while to remove as many triggers as possible.”
Dr. Green also asks spouses, friends and family to help migraineurs recognize when they’ re getting a migraine because this can
LIFE … INTERRUPTED
A recent online survey found that migraines negatively impact 94 percent of sufferers’ lives, forcing them to avoid, cut short or interrupt the following daily activities:
Doing chores around the home( 80 percent)
Taking part in a favorite hobby or activity( 70 percent)
Spending time with family, friends, spouses or significant others( 66 percent)
Attending work or school( 38 percent)
Starting or completing a work or school assignment( 38 percent)
Making plans or future commitments( 32 percent)
Taking a vacation( 14 percent)
SOURCE: HARRIS INTERACTIVE
help expedite treatment. The earlier a migraine is treated, the better the outcome.
If you do have to miss important events or cancel planned activities, you can mitigate hurt feelings and damaged relationships by communicating in any way you can— e-mails or phone calls, for example— and by encouraging family and friends to be active without you, guilt-free.
“ When I missed my son’ s birthday party, I tried to go to dinner with him that evening so I was at least present for part of his day,” Dr. Diamond says, stressing that the party went on
If you’ re looking to build your own support system, check out the NHF’ s Facebook page. without her.“ It’ s important for your family to be able to lead their lives as normally as possible.”
Ultimately, no matter how much you compensate, not everyone will understand your condition. In that case, you might decide the stress of the relationship is no longer worth it. And that’ s OK, according to migraine sufferer Judy Brown. When a member of her regular golf foursome recently confronted her about canceling too often because of migraines, she decided to leave and join a new foursome.
“ If people don’ t understand, maybe they’ re not worth being in your life,” she says.“ I changed my golf group, and now I’ m much happier.” HW
www. headwisemag. org | National Headache Foundation 29