… say what you have , and don ’ t be embarrassed to say you have it .”
According to Dr . Green , people close to headache sufferers need to read about the biology of migraine , so they understand it ’ s every bit as tangible as a heart attack or stroke . Dr . Schim recommends patients bring their spouse or significant other to office appointments , so they can listen to the conversation and hear directly from the doctor that migraine is an extremely complicated condition .
But if those closest to you still struggle with sympathy , it might be time to seek professional help . Many doctors refer patients to family counselors or therapists .
“ Sometimes , a spouse doesn ’ t see you resting in a dark room with a puke bucket next to you . They only see the end result : ‘ You didn ’ t pick up the kids ? What happened ?’” Dr . Schim says . “ It can be helpful to have a forum where you can be open and honest , and where you feel comfortable talking about your issues .”
ASKING FOR EMPATHY
Often , the sympathy gained from open , honest communication and understanding is all the support a migraineur needs . But if words aren ’ t enough , don ’ t be afraid to let people know . For example , adult migraineurs might need a flexible schedule at work , and students might need to adjust testing schedules .
Family , friends and coworkers also can help with trigger management and treatment .
“ The general principle with people with migraines is their brains don ’ t like change : change in stress , change in sleep , change in meals , change in fluids , etc .,” Dr . Green says . “ Making sure migraineurs don ’ t miss meals , getting rid of things like fluorescent lights — migraineurs will function better if you meet them halfway , so it ’ s worth everyone ’ s while to remove as many triggers as possible .”
Dr . Green also asks spouses , friends and family to help migraineurs recognize when they ’ re getting a migraine because this can
LIFE … INTERRUPTED
A recent online survey found that migraines negatively impact 94 percent of sufferers ’ lives , forcing them to avoid , cut short or interrupt the following daily activities :
Doing chores around the home ( 80 percent )
Taking part in a favorite hobby or activity ( 70 percent )
Spending time with family , friends , spouses or significant others ( 66 percent )
Attending work or school ( 38 percent )
Starting or completing a work or school assignment ( 38 percent )
Making plans or future commitments ( 32 percent )
Taking a vacation ( 14 percent )
SOURCE : HARRIS INTERACTIVE
help expedite treatment . The earlier a migraine is treated , the better the outcome .
If you do have to miss important events or cancel planned activities , you can mitigate hurt feelings and damaged relationships by communicating in any way you can — e-mails or phone calls , for example — and by encouraging family and friends to be active without you , guilt-free .
“ When I missed my son ’ s birthday party , I tried to go to dinner with him that evening so I was at least present for part of his day ,” Dr . Diamond says , stressing that the party went on
If you ’ re looking to build your own support system , check out the NHF ’ s Facebook page . without her . “ It ’ s important for your family to be able to lead their lives as normally as possible .”
Ultimately , no matter how much you compensate , not everyone will understand your condition . In that case , you might decide the stress of the relationship is no longer worth it . And that ’ s OK , according to migraine sufferer Judy Brown . When a member of her regular golf foursome recently confronted her about canceling too often because of migraines , she decided to leave and join a new foursome .
“ If people don ’ t understand , maybe they ’ re not worth being in your life ,” she says . “ I changed my golf group , and now I ’ m much happier .” HW
www . headwisemag . org | National Headache Foundation 29