Now let ’ s chat about the Paris Olympic games . I shudder to think how much it cost the Frogs to host the games .

I admit the opening ceremony was a spectacular sight – especially for those at home watching proceedings on the Idiot Box . But it would have cost the organising committee not only an arm and a leg but a head as well !

Crikey , just think about how much it cost to hire those 206 boats to convey each national team up the Seine !

Not to mention forking out zillions of francs to have those magnificent performers , Lady Gaga and Celine Dion ( she was mesmerising ) sing during the opening ceremony .

Not finished with the Paris Olympics yet – not by a long shot ! Channel Nine ’ s coverage of the games was absolutely abysmal . The great majority of people they sent over there wouldn ’ t know a long jump from a short black .

Nine obviously rounded up all their talking heads from around the country and sent them to Paris to cover sports most of them didn ’ t have a clue about .

And the former athletes they had as offsiders weren ’ t up to the task !

And what wombat came up with the brilliant plan of having former Aussie cricket captain , Mark Taylor , commentating at the diving competition , and AFL great , Matthew Pavlich , calling the action at the dressage .

Finally , the parochialism of most of

the commentators made me want to reach for the vomit bucket .

I was fortunate to witness skateboarder , Arisa Trew ’ s absolutely superb performance in the third round of the final to win the gold medal .

But I was gobsmacked when she was being interviewed after the event by yet another of those sycophantic Nine talking heads .

The amazing 14-year-old told the interviewer that she goes to “ skateboard school ” where she spends three hours a day learning readin ’, ‘ ritin ’ and ‘ rithmetic before heading off to the school ’ s skatepark .

Makes you wonder what the likes of Dawn Fraser , Michael Wenden , Shane Gould , Herb Elliott and a host of other great Aussie athletes could have achieved with that sort of regime .

Back in those days , athletes had to train before and after earning quid doing a job .

And back then , any hint of sponsorship or earning a bit of moolah doing an advert for some company , and , whooshka , you are outed for life .

And finally on the Olympics . So , the Paris Olympics features such events as artistic swimming , rock climbing , breaking ( break dancing ), 3x3 basketball , freestyle BMX and skateboarding .

Not to mention – oh , yes I will , the

mixed relays across a number of events .

What next for the 400m track event ? First contestant hopping , second , jumping in a sack , third walking on hands and final competitor , backflipping around the circuit to the winning post !!!

And of course they ’ ll add a mixed relay to the sport list !

I ’ m long in the belief that the Olympic Games have passed their used-by date .

For a century they were restricted to amateurs , the great bulk of whom were given the opportunity for the only time in their lives to get an all-expenses paid trip to a foreign country .

But these days elite athletes across most sports get the opportunity to show their skills ( and earn a quid ) at yearly world championships .

Rugby Sevens , boxing , soccer , golf and tennis are five sports which definitely shouldn ’ t be part of the Olympics .

And certainly not rock climbing , and break dancing ! Although , I must admit , the event sprinting up a steep wall in less than five seconds was exciting .

And to end my tirade on the Paris Olympics , I believe I ’ ve come up with what will be the most watched “ sport ” at the next Olympics . What do you reckon it will be ? For mine , it will be the breast-feeding competition . There ’ ll be several categories – fastest time to sate a baby ’ s hunger , the production of most milk – aah , that ’ ll do it , I could come up with a few more but

children sometimes read this column .

And finally , another point on the Paris Olympics .

Back in 1956 when Australia won 13 gold medals at the Melbourne Olympics , our population was 9,429,810 , whereas in 2024 , it is 26,723,205 .

There were just 19 sports at the ‘ 56 games , compared to 32 in Paris .

In Melbourne there were no mixed relays across any sports , no skateboarding , no 50m events at the swimming , no beach volleyball and no women competed at the cycling .

And back then there was no Australian Institute of Sport , no state sporting institutions , no-one could earn a quid from sponsorships or even jobs associated with their particular sport .

LOWEST MARKS : The Aussie Sheila who competed in the breakdancing – crikey , I ’ ve seen better performances by drunks trying to get off the floor ! And who the fu-udge selected her .

LOW MARKS : Channel Ninnie ’ s coverage of the games is over . I ’ ll neck myself if I ever see another Qantas , NRMA Insurance , Telstra , Toyota , Woolworths or Harvey Norman advertisement .