18 GSCENE
SEVENTH TIME LUCKY
David Rigby decided he was going to have a baby, but
he had no idea just how difficult it would be. Gscene talks
to David about his determination to be a parent and 7th
Time Lucky, the book he wrote about his experiences.
) What is 7th Time Lucky about?
The book does stet by giving some background
to me, who I am, and my long-standing desire
to become a parent. But, the main part of the
book is all about the hoops we had to jump
through, the challenges we faced, the people
we encountered and those who let us down
during out struggle to have a child. It’s a very
personal story, and one which I’m proud to
have been able to put into print.
What inspired you to write the book?
I started writing a diary early on in the
whole surrogacy process. My initial thought
had been that I would have this real positive
story to tell my child when they were old
enough to understand, and I thought a diary
of events would be an ideal way to capture all
the steps of the process, and the excitement of
it all. I hadn’t intended to turn the diary into
a book - this idea only came once things had
settled down after our daughter was
born. Whilst the book probably describes a
unique set of circumstances, I hope it inspires
other people who want to become parents, just
to keep plowing ahead and keep their
determination at the forefront of their mind.
Legally, UK based surrogacy organisations now
have to help gay as well as straight couples,
so all being well, the types of challenges we
faced would not be too common from now on.
Why surrogacy?
I had always wanted to be a dad, even though
being was gay would be a bit of a hurdle. Back
in 2003, I had a relationship with a woman
who fell pregnant, but then decided she
couldn’t continue with the pregnancy. At that
stage, I thought all chances of becoming a dad
were over. But, in 2007, I had reached a point
in my life where the circumstances were right
for me to try for myself to have a child. I had
considered adoption, but for me, it didn’t feel
like the right thing to do at the time.
Surrogacy would give me a child that was
genetically linked to me, and that was the
route I wanted to follow first.
What did you learn through the process?
Apart from learning about all the legalities of
surrogacy, I learned so much about myself as
well. There were so many setbacks,
disappointments, challenges, and times when
many people may have just given up. I
surprised myself a number of times by just
seeing these as minor glitches - I never
resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn’t
ever be a parent, and my determination really
did help me to see it through until my little
girl was well and truly on the way.
Sadly I also learned some hard lessons. I’m
inclined to take people at face value, trust and
believe them. Going through this whole
process, I should have let my head rule my
heart a lot more than it did, and that would
probably have saved a lot of the heartache.
How did you cope emotionally with the
uncertainty of the surrogacy process?
This was the real difficult thing. Through the
whole process, we had agreed that we weren’t
going to announce anything until we knew a
baby was on the way. I had confided in a
couple of friends, and it wasn’t until further
down the line that I told my family. But, every
time something went wrong, I needed support,
to talk, scream and offload all the emotions I
encountered. Sometimes the stress was hard to
bear, but we got through in the end.
responsibilities in relation to the process,
which was probably the primary cause for the
initial surrogates not wor