Setting Screen Time Limits
disappointing when we don’t get what we
want.” Period. Some parents overdo validating feelings; they go on and on with the
hope that validating feelings will take away
the suffering.
Validate a child’s feelings and then allow her
to recover from those feelings. Then comes
the tough part— no rescuing and no lectures. Simply have faith that she can get over
her disappointment and figure out what she
can do with herself.
Children will learn to get past the disappointment of reduced screen time, and they
will be able to develop their imagination and
creativity in solving the problem of, “What
should I do?” Parents just need to provide
an atmosphere of loving support that does
not include “bawling them out” (lecturing on how many other toys, games, crafts,
and activities there are available to do), and
“bailing them out” (fixing their boredom by
providing a new activity). Have faith in your
children; they will grow stronger for it.
Decide What You Will Do
You have set a limit on screen time with
kindness and firmness. You have faith in
your children to handle their unhappy feelings about the limit. Now comes the part
where you must decide what you will do.
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Rather than rescuing a child from solving their problem of, “Now what can I do?”
when the screens are turned off, have faith
in them to work it out themselves. Since
this usually takes time, it is helpful for you
to decide what to do that does not include
lectures or rescue in the presence of their
turbulent feelings.
• “No TV until after homework is done.
I will be in the kitchen making dinner.
Anyone is welcome to come work in
there with me.”
• “You may watch a half-hour of TV. You
can turn it off when the time is up, or I
will.”
• “Everyone must turn their phones off
during dinner. I will put mine away and
meet you at the table.”
• “We’re not going to play video games
today. I am going for a bike ride and
would love for you to join me.”
• “We have discussed the responsibilities
that go along with the privileges of
having electronic equipment. When
you don’t keep our agreements for the
responsibilities, I will confiscate the
equipment until you are ready to try
again.”
• “I know you are disappointed and I’m
going to give you a big hug; so you’d
better run if you don’t want one.”
Stating what you will do allows children
to decide what they will do in the face of a
limit that has been set. You are communicating, “I decided what I will do; what will
you do?” They may continue to cry, complain, and have difficult feelings about the
limit, and that’s OK. They may simply need
more time to express and recover from their
disappointment. By deciding what you will
do, you are providing an example, while
ultimately turning the decision over to the
child.