Green Child Magazine Back-to-School 2014 | Page 61

Teach your child to count to ten to stay calm,
look the bully in the eye, and say one of these
things. Practice until your child has a strong,
self-assured tone.

Don’t hesitate to intervene.
Your job as the parent is to protect your child.
That means that in addition to teaching your
child to stick up for herself, you may well need
to call the teacher or principal. Don’t give your
child the message that she’s all alone to handle
this. And don’t assume that if there isn’t physical
violence, she isn’t being wounded in a deep way.
Despite the old rhyme about words not hurting,
mean words and isolation are terribly damaging
to our psyches, and cause lasting negative
effects. If the school cannot protect your child,
consider transferring to a different school, or
even homeschooling.

In addition to the previous 10 tip,
here are six of the most successful
strategies to help kids defend
themselves, courtesy of bullying
expert Michele Borba.
Be sure to check out her website for more info
on bullying.

Assert yourself.
Teach your child to face the bully by standing
tall and using a strong voice. Your child should
name the bullying behavior and tell the aggressor to stop: “That’s teasing. Stop it.” or “Stop
making fun of me. It’s mean.”

Question the response.
Ann Bishop, who teaches violence prevention,
tells her students to respond to an insult with a

non-defensive question: “Why would you say
that?” or “Why would you want to tell me I am
dumb (or fat) and hurt my feelings?”

Use “I want.”
Communication experts suggest teaching your
child to address the bully beginning with “I
want” and say firmly what he wants changed: “I
want you to leave me alone.” or “I want you to
stop teasing me.”

Agree with the teaser.
Consider helping your child create a statement
agreeing with her teaser. Teaser: “You’re dumb.”
Child: “Yeah, but I’m good at it.” or Teaser:
“Hey, four eyes.” Child: “You’re right, my eyesight is poor.”

Ignore it.
Bullies love it when their teasing upsets their
victims, so help your child find a way to not let
his tormentor get to him. Fifth graders offer
these kid-tested ways to ignore teasers: “Pretend
they’re invisible,” “Walk away without looking
at them,” “Quickly look at something else and
laugh,” and “Look completely uninterested.”

Make Fun of the Teasing.
Fred Frankel, author of Good Friends Are Hard
to Find suggests victims answer every tease with
a reply, but not tease back. The teasing often
stops, Frankel says; because the child lets the
tormentor know he’s not going to let the teasing
get to him (even if it does). Suppose the teaser
says, “You’re stupid.” The child says a rehearsed
comeback such as: “Really?” Other comebacks
could be: “So?,” “You don’t say,” “And your point
is?,” or “Thanks for telling me.”
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