Green Child Magazine Back-to-School 2014 | Page 59

Model compassionate,
respectful relationships from
the time your child is small.
The most effective way to keep children from
being bullied, and from becoming bullies, is to
make sure they grow up in loving relationships,
rather than relationships that use power or force
to control them. Children learn both sides of
every relationship, and they can act either one.
If you spank, your child will learn that physical
violence is the way to respond to interpersonal
problems. If your discipline methods use power
over your child, he will learn to use power over
others, or to let others use power over him.
Don’t worry, you don’t need that kind of discipline. For compassionate discipline that works,
see the Aha! section on Positive Discipline.

Stay connected to your child
through thick and thin.
Lonely kids are more likely to be bullied. Remember, parenting is 90% connection -- a close
relationship with your child -- and only 10%
guidance. The guidance won’t stick unless you
have the relationship to support it, and will just
drive your child away. Keep those lines of communication open, no matter what.

Model confident behavior with
other people.
If you tend to back down easily so you don’t
make a scene, but then later feel pushed-around,
it’s time to change that. Your child is learning
from watching you. Experiment with finding
ways to assert your own needs or rights while
maintaining respect for the other person. It’s
also important not to put yourself or your child
down, because you’re teaching her to follow in
your footsteps.

Directly teach your child
respectful self-assertion.
Kids need to know they can get their needs met
while being respectful of other people. Give him
words to stick up for himself early on:
“It’s my turn now.”
“I want a turn now.”
“Hey, stop that.”
“Hands off my body.”
“It’s not okay to hurt.”
“I don’t like being called that. I want you to call
me by my name.”

Teach your child basic social
skills.
Kids who are outsiders are more likely to
be bullied. Bullies prey on children whom
they perceive to be vulnerable, including
needy children who are so desperate for peer
acceptance that they continue to hang around
a group of peers even when one of the group
leaders begins to mistreat them. Role play
with your child how to join a game at the
playground, introduce themselves to another
child at a party, or initiate a playdate. Kids who
are successful in joining groups of kids usually
observe first, and find a way to fit into the
group, rather than just barging in. Make games
out of social skills, and practice at home.

Teach your child basic bully
avoidance.
Bullies operate where adults aren’t present, so
your child should avoid unsupervised hallways,
bathrooms, and areas of the playground. Sitting
in the front of the school bus, standing in the

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