Green Child Magazine Back-to-School 2014 | Page 52
Grace & Courtesy:
Helping Our Children Learn Self-Discipline
|by Mary Ellen Maunz
One of the foundational factors in good Montessori schools is what we call “Grace and Courtesy.” This is our curriculum of how to behave
as a functioning part of the home or the classroom community. Rather than “making our
children mind,” we demonstrate how to behave
appropriately.
and expect the child to do what we say. In
psychology, it is called cognitive dissonance
when words do not match behavior, and children notice it immediately. Ultimately, our own
maturity and our own efforts to live better are
what help our children learn to behave. (Sorry
– there is no magic bullet!)
Grace and Courtesy is the oil that keeps the
group functioning smoothly, it is the ambience
that the parents can create in the home and the
teacher can create in the classroom, of graciousness and respect. We can only create it when
first we model it with our own actions, and then
with good-natured lessons, we demonstrate the
way we do things in our class, or in our home.
From an early age, even when neurologically
and physically, children cannot control their
own behavior, they are watching and taking
in our behaviors. If we are tense and have our
teeth clenched while we try to help a child calm
down, they are going to feel the tension and
have a harder time calming down. We can learn
to take a deep breath when our children are
having meltdowns and help them regain control. Especially when they are very little, when
we help babies and toddlers calm down, they
are establishing the neurological connections to
self-calm. Many studies tell us that the roots of
violence lie in the inability to self-calm.
Let’s consider a few examples. We want our
children to be helpful. So how do we teach it?
Be helpful, go out of your way to help a sick
neighbor or a grandparent that needs some
assistance. We want our children to be respectful. How do we teach it? Be respectful of your
spouse and of your children. The ONLY way
our children learn to behave is by seeing it and
doing it.
Conveying the same message with
our words and our actions.
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As parents and as teachers, we quickly learn
that we cannot say one thing and do another
Activities of Grace and Courtesy
Grace and Courtesy includes many things, from
care of the self and care of the environment to
learning the kind and gracious way to handle
all manner of situations. We care for one another’s needs and we help one another learn new
activities.