Sometimes life gets really tough.
Sometimes we can feel so overwhelmed when things happen
around us which we’ve had no say about or control over…Do
you know what I mean?
Well, the same goes for our children; they too can feel
overwhelmed and can struggle to cope with life’s pressures.
Unforeseen tragedies can occur in our family’s lives which need
to be walked out in faith and love.
This article is my 5 point guide for our role as parents to help our children navigate and cope with life’s tragedies.
Please be aware I am not a child psychologist. This article comes from my perspective as a Christian parent who
is theologically educated and has worked with young people.
1. Deal with your own issues: We understand that to help others we need to be healthy ourselves. That being said,
sometimes as parents we still need to care for our children while dealing with our own issues. I feel if we always
waited for the perfect timing to come alongside our children, we’d possibly never find the right time, as I always
have some area to grow in and things to deal with. As the adult we need to be self-sufficient in dealing with our
own baggage to be a healthy parent for our own child/ren. This means we need trusted Christian
counsel; a safe adult to talk things through with. For
single parents this means we need to find someone
obviously other than a spouse; from personal experience
as a single parent, for true untainted clarity, I often need
to talk to a trusted Christian who is not a family member
and therefore not emotionally connected to me. I will still
share things with close family, but for healing and
discernment about many issues I will speak to others. I
believe we can most definitely work on our own healing
and issues while also being available for our children.
Read Ecclesiastes 11:1-6 which speaks about being diligent
and not waiting for the right time to sew which will
encourage you to continue to sew into your children’s
lives. 2 Timothy 4:2 also says to preach the word in and
out of season and scriptures such as Proverbs 22:6;
Ephesians 6:4; Deuteronomy 11:19 exhort parents to teach
their children in the way of The LORD. As parents we
have the most honoured position to speak into our
children’s lives.
2. Be prepared to be a Counsellor: I personally think the pendulum has swung too far in recent times in relation to
professional counselling for children which has disempowered parents. I think we need to find middle ground
again. Yes, professional Christian counselling is a great tool for both adults and children (for example possibly in
relation to point one; dealing with our own issues) but when it becomes first base, parents can become viewed by
their children as disinterested, uncaring and incompetent. The basic premise of good counselling is first and
foremost LISTENING…really listening…active attention-given listening! Then it is NOT to provide the other
person with all the answers, rather it is to ask questions to help the other person think through the problem
themselves and problem-solve. A good counsellor is a sounding board for someone and always ENCOURAGES
and EMPOWERS the other person. A parent who has a close relationship with their child and loves them can
definitely do this! A wise, mature counsellor will of course guide the conversation and caution when necessary.
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