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Sharing the good news of God’s Love through his Son to our local community and world!
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share the good news, and bring to
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The Source of Our Self Esteem
By Jack Kelley
“Every good and perfect gift is from
above, coming down from the Father of
the heavenly lights , who does not change
like shifting shadows” (James 1:17)
“All of us also lived among them at one
time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful
nature and following its desires and
thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature
objects of wrath. But because of his great
love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,
made us alive with Christ even when we
were dead in transgressions - it is by
grace you have been saved.
And God raised us up with Christ and
seated us with him in the heavenly realms
in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable
riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.
For it is by grace you have been saved,
through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works,
so that no one can boast. For we are
God’s workmanship, created in Christ
Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians
2:3-10).
Self-esteem has been defined as the way
we see ourselves, our own opinion of us.
But is it? No one knows us like we do,
but our opinion is influenced and often
distorted, by the opinions of others important to us. Parents, teachers, friends,
associates and the like. So while it’s
called self-esteem, it’s more likely a composite of others’ esteem for us. Abraham
Maslow was right, gaining the acceptance
of others is a pre-requisite for selfacceptance.
To earn a higher self-esteem then, requires that we earn the approval of those
most important to us. Typically our efforts in this area fall into one of three areas: appearance, achievement, or performance.
Appearance
There’s no question that the beautiful
people among us often get preferential
treatment. Some learn from an early age
to depend on their appearance for acceptance. They believe that as long as
they look good, those whose opinions
matter most will accept them, permitting
them to accept themselves.
Collectively, they spend billions of dollars on health spas, cosmetic surgery,
clothing, you name it; all an attempt to
maintain or even improve their appearance to gain wider acceptance of others,
bolstering their self-esteem. But eventually the calendar catches up, the laws of
physics prevail and no amount of money
can halt the ravages of time.
Those whose self-esteem has been based
solely on their appearance often become
pitiful parodies of their former selves in
their futile efforts to stay forever young
and beautiful.
Achievement
All the world loves a winner. Some folks
use periodic achievements to foster acceptance. They run marathons, climb
mountains, win prizes and awards, all to
gain recognition for their achievements.
The recognition signals the approval of
others, building self-esteem. But again
time is the enemy and someone younger,
faster, and stronger surpasses their
achievements relegating them to living in
the past, recalling the glory of yesterday’s
achievements, glory that can no longer be
earned with today’s abilities.
Performance
Here’s a group that can only feel good
about themselves when they’re performing at or above certain standards. They
literally become what they do, and when
they can no longer do, they’re diminished
in their own eyes and their self esteem
suffers. Having spent their entire lives
performing to gain acceptance, they’ve
lost the ability to sustain their selfesteem.
They become problems for themselves
and others, and many die prematurely. For example, according to insurance
industry statistics, the average length of
retirement before death is less than 2
years. To escape this death sentence they
go back to work, or start a new career,
performing again to regain their selfesteem.
All these attempts at maintaining selfesteem are doomed to failure and those
who rely upon them are eventually left
alone, old and tired; with little or no value
to others and consequently to themselves.
There’s Got to Be a Better Way
But there's a fourth way to achieve and
maintain self-esteem that isn't subject to
the opinions of others and therefore not
continued on Page 6 see Self Esteem