I reach for the bag , hold it up to the light as though I ’ m scrutinizing an item for purchase in a store and then toss the whole bag to Randal . I stand and walk back across the room with Randal following behind and flipping the light off as we descend the stairs back down to the bar . The train is ready to roll and it ’ s time to pick up passengers .
I return to my stool in front of the stage with my pint glass of rum and coke refilled and the cocaine that is coursing through my veins making me feel energized and fully alive . Randal walks around the bar asking the bouncers and staff and key patrons how they are feeling , which is another way of asking how much cocaine they want for the night . Most of the staff take just two or three of the paper flaps to keep with them . For most , that ensures that they have one for themselves and one or two more to sell to anyone who asks . If they still required more , they could get it , but it was better to start the night with less because the less they had in their pockets , the less chance of them going through it too quickly . The calling of a few grams of cocaine in the pocket was too hard to resist so it was better to only take what they knew they could sell fast .
At the end of the night , I ’ ll collect the money from Randal minus his cut of the profits . I prefer this system because even though much of the profit goes to Randal , I don ’ t have to deal with the clientele myself . The truth is the only reason I sell the drugs in the first place is to support my own habit . I have no interest in talking to anyone or trying to keep track of who has what or owed how much . All I want to do is continue to finance my own drug addiction , so I let Randal share the profits and use his more outgoing personality to spread the drugs throughout the bar .
Since I ’ m not in it for the money , I never bother to cut the cocaine with anything like inositol , to stretch out its value . And while “ pure ” street cocaine is impossible to come across , at the minor level that I ’ m selling , it is the purest product most people can get . People come to the bar just for the purity of the cocaine and in doing so , help keep the crazy train rolling . At the end of the night , I ’ ll collect the profits having never had to deal with anyone but Randal , which suits me fine . It ’ s a small-time operation but it serves its purpose .
As I sit in front of the stage looking at the crowd , I can feel my energy buzzing . I ’ m fidgeting with my cigarette , with my pint glass and with my fingers as I open and close my hand into a fist . I can feel my unbearable rage give way to excited energetic aggression . The change is subtle but noticeable . Thoughts of self- destruction and murder give way to less … Kamikaze feelings .
I notice the pretty girl sitting with her friends . She looks my way . I smile , just a little , and she smiles back .
Since the other doormen are mingling about , watching over the crowd and doing their thing , I get up from the stool and walk out the front door . The rays of the sun are gone , and the air is noticeably cooler . The parking lot is now crammed full of vehicles and people hanging about . As I walk along the sidewalk , I step over the body of a man who is lying across the concrete , passed out . He is motionless and could be dead for all I know , but I don ’ t stop or look back .
I walk to the main entrance of the motel and into the lobby , continue thirty feet across the corridor , past the front desk where a thin East Indian man in his early twenties works taking reservations . I walk past the glass doors that provide entry to the lounge and past the closed wooden door on the opposite wall that opens into the hallway leading to the motel suites . Across the lobby , opposite the front doors , is the entrance to the nightclub . I remove the chain across the open doors and step inside the club .
The club would be dark if it wasn ’ t for the pulsing seventies style strobe light hanging above the dance floor in the center of the circular shaped room , the lights shining down on the bartender as she takes glasses from the revolving dishwasher to line up on the counter , and the lights from the DJ booth illuminating a young man wearing a baseball cap as he bends down readying his playlist for the night .