individuality and then you go home and they ’ re there to remind you that you ’ re not who you think you are , you ’ re who they think you are . And they ’ re not bad people for doing this . That ’ s just the nature of a group dynamic ,” Pederson explained . Expecting family to recognize these changes often leads to disappointment and personal stress , which is why Pedersen recommends letting go of that expectation altogether . “ You ’ re not going there for validation . You ’ re going there to acknowledge that you were once a part of this group and you still have an affinity for them ,” he said .
But what if you have family members who are really good at pushing your buttons ? In order to keep your cool , Pedersen suggests identifying the worst thing you can hear that would really dysregulate you and practice desensitizing yourself to it . “ If you hit a button hard enough a thousand times , eventually the button breaks . So we think about how our family pushes our buttons and we just break the buttons before we arrive ,” he said . A limit to this , Pedersen cautioned , is if a family member treats you in a way that they wouldn ’ t treat a stranger . You are free to leave if you don ’ t feel like you ’ re being respected . Holding clear boundaries for yourself takes precedence over having a holiday .
supposed to be joyful . You may feel pressured to hide your grief to maintain the happy holiday spirit , or there may be an expectation to be over it , depending on how long it ’ s been since you lost someone . However , Pedersen explained that grief is a universal feeling that makes us human . “ You don ’ t get over pain . That ’ s part of life . You normalize it ,” he said . Pedersen suggested that a better way of approaching grief is thinking of it as a gift to the deceased . Our grief is all the love we still feel for that person , and we should allow it to be a part of our holidays the same way we would have allowed them to be .
We may not be able to completely avoid holiday stress , but by checking in with ourselves and leading our decisions with love , hopefully we might be able to find some of that “ wonder ” in the most wonderful time of the year .
The holidays also have a way of triggering grief in many of us . The pain of losing a loved one is not a feeling anyone wants to experience , especially at a time where you ’ re
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