In today’s medical world when a patient has open heart surgery they get them up and out of the bed the day after. Open heart surgery requires literally breaking your chest bones and putting them back together. I wondered how in the world Phil will be able to stand all that pain.
The second day of Phil’s hospital stay the doctor said he had never had a patient do as well as Phil was doing and he was going to release him to go home on the third day. When the doctor left the room, Phil looked at me and said, “I know why I had this heart attack.” I said why? He replied, “Because I asked God to take me instead of Tyler.”
Tyler is Phil’s 13 year old grandson who has been fighting terminal liver cancer. I screamed at him, “Why in the hell would you do that?” You don’t mess with God’s plan for your life and you certainly don’t ask him to take you when it’s not your time! What about me? Why would you want to put me through that? And then he reminded me of something I said a few years ago. Phil has sleep apnea. During the night, without a CPAP machine, Phil would quit breathing. I told him on several occasions I was afraid I would wake up and find him dead in the bed.
He reminded me that “You didn’t find me dead in the bed.” Thanks Phil for reminding me of that. Oh yea, I wanted to smack him at that point.
He was released on the 3rd day after his operation. I didn’t have anyone explain to me that whenever someone has open heart surgery, the recovery is the worst part. Depression sets in. How could I motivate and help Phil when I was still trying to help my daughter after losing Keagan? My emotions were set aside and bottled up and I literally started having panic attacks out of nowhere.
I was scared, lonely and angry. I began getting up every morning between 2-3am. I was sleeping with my cell phone under my pillow just in case I got another phone call with bad news.
Psalm 91:1-6 NLT Those who live in the shelter of the most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord. He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God and I trust Him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with His feathers. He will shelter you with His wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day.