Changing Your Child ’ s Negative Behaviors Into Positive Ones
You have a houseful of guests — all engaged downstairs in conversations — the children are upstairs playing and your 3-year old fills the tub in her bathroom with water and throws your husband ’ s brand new dress shoes and five pairs of your shoes in the water . A few days before , you received a call from her preschool to come and pick her up because she bit a little boy who wouldn ’ t give her a toy that she wanted . You fear she will be thrown out of preschool and wonder how your sweet little baby girl turned into such a brat .
When children misbehave at two you ’ re told not to worry , it ’ s just the dreaded “ terrible twos .” But when they ’ re well into their third year and there ’ s no end in sight to their destructive behavior , panic may start to set in . By understanding why your child is displaying negative behavior and adopting some simple strategies , you can turn their undesirable actions into positive ones .
The first thing to know is that your child really does want to meet your expectations of having a well behaved child . They want your approval and attention . The problem comes in with your busy schedule that , although you might be in the presence of your children a good part of the day ; you are not giving them your undivided attention . Here ’ s some strategies you might want to consider to help turn your child ’ s “ lemon ” behavior into “ lemonade .”
Treat Them As You Want To Be Treated Children learn how to treat you and others from you . If you treat your children poorly when you are stressed ( screaming at them
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Handle Back Talk Calmly But Sternly Back talk just seems to be part of the parenting experience , but it shouldn ’ t be something that occurs with every interaction . Usually back talk is a symptom of an emotional upheaval being experienced by your child . Flip remarks may be triggered by a number of things : exhaustion , hunger , disappointment . Children tend to take out their frustrations and display their worst behavior in the presence of their parents ; the people they love and trust the most . This does not mean that back talk is ever OK . Your calm but stern reaction to their back talk will assure them that it is not an acceptable way to speak to you , or others . It is important that your child realize that although it is OK to get angry in some situations , it is not OK to express that anger with back talk .
Don ’ t Manipulate With Bribes Bribery is a form of manipulation . So if Johnny gets a new toy or his favorite treat as a reward for not bothering mom , he will take advantage of that knowledge and wait for times when he knows you are occupied or busy to act out . Most likely Johnny just wants a few minutes of your attention , not a material object or yummy treat . Next time try stopping what you ’ re doing and asking him if he would like to play a game or do some other activity together . You might want to consider making one-on-one time a regular part of your day with your child so he knows that he does not have to act out to get your attention .
No Means No Children don ’ t know the difference between needs and wants . And , although Sally may whine and drone on about how much she needs a new toy because all her friends have one , it ’ s your job to calmly remind her of all the fairly new toys she already has . This is a good time to introduce the word “ gratitude ” into her vocabulary . The word “ no ” will set best when a reasonable explanation is given for the use of it . One important addendum is that the use of the word “ no ” should be consistent . Caving in when they drone on and on or insist on having something will render the word useless .
Spend Time With Your Children Taking genuine interest in your child on regular basis is the key to a happy child . Children yearn for quality , one-on-one time with mom and dad . They long for your approval , attention , and time . In today ’ s busy environment where parents are often stressed with work , commutes and day-to-day chores , children often become part of the landscape , so to speak . Paying attention to what makes your child thrive , asking them questions about their day , and showing an interest in how they feel goes a long way in helping them feel connected and loved . And children who feel significant and confident that their parents love them are less likely to exhibit negative behavior .
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