FRANKLY SPEAKING BY FRANK LEGATO
Heists and Shenanigans
You just can ’ t trust anyone these days . At least not someone who just stole half a million in cash .
Well , I can ’ t speak for myself , but a judge in Colorado certainly didn ’ t trust a woman accused of pulling off the state ’ s largest-ever casino heist . Being sensitive to the not-guilty-until-proven-innocent thing , and because I , myself , am not a fan of litigation , I won ’ t repeat the woman ’ s name . Let ’ s call her Mable Barker . ( Ma Barker for short .)
Surveillance video shows Barker , a cage employee at a Colorado casino , loading $ 50,000 bricks of money into a box , and making multiple trips from the casino ’ s cash room to load the money into a gold-colored minivan . She then drove to St . Anthony ’ s Hospital in Denver , where she was met by an unidentified man to whom she handed the money . Remarkably , she was arrested and charged with grand theft . Barker ’ s attorney asked that she be released on her own recognizance pending trial . The judge was flabbergasted , answering , according to 9News Denver , “ A personal recognizance bond for a case where half a million dollars walked out of a casino ? I just don ’ t trust that Ms . ( Barker ) is going to come back to court .”
Her attorney tried again after the judge ordered her held on a $ 10,000 cash bond , saying she couldn ’ t afford it . His reasoning ? “ If she had the money , she would ’ ve posted it ,” the attorney said .
I may be misreading this , but was he saying that if she had pulled off the heist , she would have just peeled the 10 grand from one of those bricks she grabbed ?
In any event , the handoff of the loot is what is really strange in this case . According to the news report , “ She told them a man called , claimed to be a casino boss and instructed her to take the money or the casino ‘ would be in breach of contract ,’ according to the affidavit . She said she met a man she believed to be an attorney in a dark hospital parking lot later that morning and handed over the money .”
Another report said it was a text she received from this person , at 12:45 a . m ., and she believed it was a supervisor telling her to grab the money and deliver it .
Right . Any reasonable person would trust a message from an anonymous caller telling him or her to bag $ 500,000 in cash , drive it down the road , and give it to a guy in a dark hospital parking lot in the middle of the night .
Personally , I do all my banking in dark parking lots . If a big cash amount is involved , I prefer to deposit in a dark alley , in a dumpster .
Either this was an elaborate and ingenious scheme concocted with an accomplice that led to a huge payoff , or Mable Barker is someone who ’ d buy an ice cream truck franchise on the North Pole if the pitch was good enough .
It may be the latter , since she actually contacted the casino while she was on her way back from the dark parking lot . According to 9News , she “ contacted the casino to tell them that she was on her way back , adding she believed she may have done something wrong and was fearful of arrest .”
Well , she got that part right , anyway .
Speaking of dumb casino thieves , a man is facing grand larceny charges after he allegedly tried to steal thousands of dollars from the Rivers Casino in Portsmouth , Virginia . According to the police report , casino surveillance captured ... let ’ s call him Moe ... swiping $ 7,000 worth of poker chips from a table .
Moe tried to cash the chips out , and for a minute , it looked like he was actually going to pull it off . The cashier began to retrieve his cash . But he just couldn ’ t wait . He grabbed $ 2,600 in cash and ran for the exit . A Portsmouth Police officer chased him from behind inside the building , and another cop waited for him outside the door . Easy collar , right ?
Not quite . According to news reports , once the three were outside the door , they collided , with all three of them landing on the ground .
( The reports didn ’ t say whether or not their heads conked together with a coconut sound .)
The shtick continued after that , with the perpetrator getting away , but not to a waiting getaway car . He was spotted hiding in the bushes , and after another Stooges-style chase , they caught him . ( I think Moe griped , “ I ’ m gonna get myself a cheap lawyer !”) Seriously , I ’ m pretty sure the Three Stooges went through this same shtick in a 1940s short . Only in that case , the arrest ended after the thief got his arm caught in one of the cop ’ s jacket sleeves .
Numbskulls .
38 Global Gaming Business MAY 2023