and the physical changes can make them feel like they ’ re not in good control of their bodies . “ It ’ s a very complicated time physically , socially , and emotionally ,” says Vicki Panaccione , a licensed psychologist and founder of the Better Parenting Institute ( www . betterparentinginstitute . com ). During this difficult period , their sense of self is also developing . “ There ’ s a lot of exclusion in middle school ,” says Panaccione . Cliques can provide a safe haven as kids try to figure themselves out .
Success Tips
The mood swings and overreactions , such total hysteria over whether a boy or girl looked at your child or not in the hallway , are a normal part of this phase of development . “ Don ’ t take it personally . Just understand that your child is going through a lot ,” says Panaccione . Be supportive , but don ’ t minimize the problem or try to fix it either . “ Middle schoolers don ’ t want you to solve anything ,” Panaccione says . Instead , use phrases like : “ I ’ m sorry you feel that way ,” or “ Gosh , that must have been embarrassing for you ,” rather than “ Just ignore it ,” or “ Just get over it . It ’ s not a big deal .” It is to your child . Comments like that don ’ t help and can be harmful . “ They can push your child away because she ’ ll feel like you just don ’ t get it ,” she says .
Don ’ t be too concerned if your child starts to hang with the wrong crowd . As kids develop and decide who they want to be , they also need to decide who they don ’ t want to be . They may try on various cliques , including one that ’ s not your favorite , to see what feels right . All kids have friends their parents don ’ t like . But kids are good self-barometers . “ Don ’ t butt in unless you think their friends are dangerous ,” Dr . Seltzer cautions .
In middle school , the work load gets more difficult because kids have to meet the demands of up to seven different teachers instead of one . “ It ’ s a big challenge . The best thing you can do is allow your child to vent without buying in ,” says Panaccione . If your child complains that one of his teachers gives too much homework , for example , you might say , “ Well , what do you think you might need to do , given that he gives lots of homework ?” rather than , “ He ’ s only trying to teach you .” The idea is to help your child find his own way and keep the lines of communication open so he ’ ll continue to feel comfortable talking to you about even bigger problems that might come his way .
High School :
High school can be academically intense . The main reason is that along with more rigourous courses , homework , studying , projects , and extracuricular engagements your teen is also going to have to start setting the stage for college acceptance starting their freshman year .
Success Tips
Superlative organizational skills are a must to get through all of the hurdles of high school expectations successfully .
Doing the studying needed for a good SAT or ACT score starting in 9th grade is highly advisable . Your freshman , sophmore , and junior should dedicate huge chunks of the summer to that aim as well .
Encourage your teen to find their passion . Colleges would much rather see your teen excited about a few meaningful activities than marginally involved with a long list of clubs . They also love to see students demonstrate leadership skills , so your teen should choose activities where they can grow and possibly take on a leadership role .
Take challenging courses . If your teen wants to take AP courses later on , now is the time to work hard and earn great grades . Take a look at your school ’ s course offerings , and make sure you are on track to take the most challenging high school schedule you can and still have success . Remember , a B in an AP or Honors Class is usually better for your GPA than an A in a standard class .
Teens must have a social life despite their academic demands . It is important to a teen ' s emotional well-being . They long for connection and acceptance . Teens often have a lot more responsabilities both through academic demands and often they may begin their first job at this age too . They are on the cusp of adulthood and want to be treated with more respect and given more freedoms that come with that maturity .
Parents must tread carefully as the relationship they have during the teen years most likely will set the stage for the relationship they will have in the future when their children become adults . #
Sources : Private School Review and The National Association of Elementary School Principals .
JANUARY 2023 35