But , there are some kids with ADHD ( and many without ) who are actually not so sure that they even want to go to college . So it ’ s important for parents to make sure that actually want to go . Make sure that it ’ s your child ’ s goal and not just yours . Assuming that it is your child ’ s goal to attend college , then it could indeed be helpful to have someone who can walk them through the lengthy process .
Do you think that kids in high school should live by natural consequences , or do you think parents should be involved on a daily basis in managing it with shorter-term consequences ?
In general , kids with ADHD need more oversight given their age . So the sort of classic mistake that parents of kids with ADHD make is they ’ ll say , “ Well , you know , he ’ s 15 , I shouldn ’ t have to _____.” And maybe for some 15-year-olds , that is true . But the question I ask parents to ask themselves is , “ Is that true for this kid in front of me at this moment in time ?” If the answer is , “ Yeah , not really ,” then I don ’ t care what their age is . Ideally , we should parent based on our kids ’ abilities , not on their age .
I hear a lot of parents say , “ They should be able to do this by now .” Anything else that parents of students with ADHD should think about if their child wants to attend college ?
I think it ’ s about the long game . Parenting is about gradually shifting to your kids the kind of responsibility and the freedom to be able to make their own choices . And to know that they ’ re ready to go forth into the world . One of my big ideas when it comes to high schoolers with ADHD , but frankly any high schooler , is there is this point somewhere along the way between freshman year and graduation , where it becomes less and less of the parent ’ s job to ensure that their kid is ready for college . And it becomes more and more the kid ’ s job to show the parents that they are ready . And if they ’ re not showing you , by their actions ( not their words , their actions ), that they ’ re able to manage the demands , manage the college application process ( obviously with some help ), then maybe they ’ re not ready to go to college … at least not next Fall .
And that ’ s not a punishment , it ’ s more that , “ You don ’ t seem quite ready yet . I don ’ t want this to be a bad experience and a wasted investment of time and money .”
And the thing of it is , just to be really kind of blunt , your student is better off watching Netflix in your basement 15 hours a day for four months than going off to college and failing out because you can get into another college way easier if you watch Netflix for four months , then if you failed out at your first college , right ? So let ’ s not be overly optimistic , and also let ’ s not wait until the second half of senior year before we start having these conversations . Beginning to prepare them and help them see , ‘ Look man , you gotta show me . Show me you can do it . I want you to go and have an awesome experience . So show me that you ’ re ready to do that too .’ #
Ann K . Dolin , M . Ed ., is the founder and president of Educational Connections , Inc . and author of Homework Made Simple . For more info , visit ectutoring . com
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