be . Help me understand what happened ,” rather than , “ You did not do well in math . This is unacceptable .” The phrase , “ help me understand ,” will give your child a chance to explain himself and explain what went wrong .
Listen to what your child has to say and state the feeling . Try saying , “ it sounds like you ’ re having a hard time with algebra and it ’ s making you frustrated .” By stating the feeling ( but not dwelling on it ), you ’ ve shown your child that you ’ re on their team .
From there you ’ ll want to ask questions like , “ what do you think you can do to get the grade up ?” This will create a sense of accountability and also make your child come up with a solution . Because your child helped to create the solution , he or she will be more invested and more likely to follow through .
Punishments and Rewards for Bad Grades : Do they work ?
The instant you see a less-than-stellar report card grade , it ’ s probably your immediate reaction to punish and restrict activities . Either that , or it ’ s probably to offer some form of reward for turning it around . You ’ ll want to fight those urges . Here ’ s what to do instead .
If there are bad grades the punishment should be appropriate . Many parents threaten to take their children out of sports or extracurricular activities , but this isn ’ t an effective solution . The research says that parents should avoid taking away activities that boost their child ’ s confidence , such as sports or clubs . With that being said , it is recommended to tie privileges ( like video game time , or time out with friends ) to academic processes . For example , you may say to your child , “ when you show me that your homework is completed with a respectful attitude , then you can play video games for 30 minutes .” Try using a “ when / then ” phrase to boost accountability and tie actions to rewards .
Should I reward for grades ? Here , the answer is a little less clear , but in general , avoid external rewards if you can . I ’ ve talked to parents who have tried offering their child just about anything and everything for straight A ’ s from money to a new car to a trip to Disney World . But unfortunately , no matter how grandiose the reward , the straight A ’ s never come . Research tells us that rewarding for grades doesn ’ t work because it ’ s too long-term and students lose steam pretty quickly . Students also need to feel an intrinsic motivation for studying , and providing external rewards tends to extinguish their internal drive ( especially when they encounter difficulty ).
How to Improve
Students often bring home bad grades for one of two reasons : they don ’ t understand the content or they don ’ t have the ‘ soft skills ’ necessary to succeed . There is a third reason this year . Many students are also having a tough time keeping up their grades due to hardships brought on by Covid , including high absence rates .
Early reports across the country show absentee rates are still high this fall , because of illness ( personal or family ) and mass school quarantines .
If your student ’ s bad grade is the result of a contextual issue , then it is usually isolated to one subject ( often math / science or English / history ). However , if the student is struggling with “ soft skills ,” things such as organization , time management , and study skills ( also known as executive functioning skills ), it will probably affect every subject .
Discuss the issue with your child ’ s teacher , consider enrolling the child in a homework club after school , or seek out a tutor who can focus on your child ’ s areas of concern .
The research is in : authoritative parenting ( warm but firm ) is ideal when it comes to academic performance . The problem is , a lot of times when good-intentioned authoritative parents become excessively frustrated or worried , they can slip into helicopter ( excessively involved ) parenting mode where you ’ re not helping your child develop resilience or become autonomous . #
Ann K . Dolin , M . Ed ., is the founder and president of Educational Connections , Inc . and author of Homework Made Simple . For more info , visit ectutoring . com
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