Irrational Beliefs
and What to
Do About Them
I
n 1961 Albert Ellis and Robert Harper wrote a book called
“A Guide to Rational Living.” It is certainly one of the most
powerful books I’ve read. Their main point was that our
irrational beliefs can generate sustained negative emotions
(anxiety, fear, rage, pessimism, hopelessness and helplessness),
and we need to consciously dismantle those irrational beliefs in
order to move on from those emotions.
Here’s an example of an irrational belief I used to have:
I believed people would do what I expected them to do.
The Problem Was With My Belief
It finally dawned on me that the
problem wasn’t with other people. The
problem was with me. I was operating
under an irrational belief. People don’t do
by Dan Coughlin
what I expect them to do. They do whatever
they want to do. They’re humans. They
have freedom of choice. As soon as I realized that, I stopped being
frustrated with them. They were just being themselves.
2016 Issue 2 | GearedUp
How to Dismantle an Irrational Belief
62
Here are four examples of how this irrational belief impacted
my emotions.
I was asked to serve a three-year term on two different notfor-profit boards. In both cases, I expected that the board meetings would consist of very collaborative discussions because all
the board members were volunteers and they were all asked to be
on the board because of what they brought to the table in terms of
their knowledge and experience. In reality, on both boards a few
people made all the decisions. There was virtually no real collaboration at all in all those years. I became extremely frustrated
because people didn’t do what I expected them to do.
I expected that my children would have the same passions
that I had. I became frustrated with them when they didn’t have
the same passions that I had. The things I loved to do, they didn’t
love to do.
When my children put on what I thought was a really strong
performance in something, I expected that certain people would
compliment them. I became frustrated when they criticized them.
When I give a workshop, I talk for about five minutes and
then I create an interactive exercise for the audience to do something. I used to expect that people would listen while I talked for
five minutes. I became extremely frustrated when some people
would talk out loud while I was teaching some idea.
First, whenever you feel trapped in a negative emotion over
a long period of time, know that you might be able to trace that
emotion back to an irrational belief. Second, after you identify that
irrational belief, examine the belief in order to see that your belief
doesn’t make sense at all.
Ten Irrational Beliefs from “A Guide to Rational Living”
Here are 10 irrational beliefs that Albert Ellis and Robert
Harper explain in their book, “A Guide to Rational Living,” with a
brief comment from me after each one:
Irrational Belief No. 1: The idea that you must – yes, must –
have love or approval from all of the significant people in your life.
DC: If those people HAVE to love you, does that really constitute
real love?
Irrational Belief No. 2: The idea that you absolutely must be
thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving. Or a saner but
still foolish variation: The idea that you at least must be competent
or talented in some important areas.
DC: Why must you be talented in some important area? Why
would that ever be an absolute given?