Gazelle 14 Spring 49-64_Gazelle Magazine 4/17/14 8:49 PM Page 53
I LOVE
5
WAYS
TO
SAY
YOU
By Lindsay Walden, Sex Therapist
As relationships
move from the early
honeymoon phase
to the more comfortable “sweatpants”
phase, it is not uncommon for couples
to feel as though
they have lost some
of the spark they
once felt. At one
time, they couldn’t
wait to see each
other. Maybe they
would send a text or call in the middle of the
day to say, “Hi.” They start to wonder how they
got to this point, but they don’t quite know how
to get some of the magic back.
I often reference Gary Chapman’s book, The
5 Love Languages, in my work with couples. I’m
pretty sure there are more than five ways to
show love, but this is often a really good way to
have people start to rethink their relationship
and how they show the other they care.
Giving GIFTS
Everyone likes gifts. I’ve yet to meet anyone
who doesn’t enjoy receiving a gift from their special someone. I’m not suggesting anyone spend
a lot of money, because it’s the thought that
counts. Maybe your partner loves a certain
candy bar, and you happen to see it as you’re
checking out at the grocery store. It may only
cost a couple of bucks, but it can be worth quite
a bit more to your significant other.
Quality TIME
I often ask couples to think about the time
they spend together and the quality of that time.
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Is the time spent watching hours of mindless
television and not speaking to each other? Is the
time spent taking care of kids or household
chores? It’s common for people to spend the
majority of their time together, but if they aren’t
focusing on each other, is it really quality time?
When it comes to spending time together, I want
people to think about the differences in quantity
and quality.
Words of AFFIRMATION
Oftentimes in life, we don’t get praise for
words of affirmation nearly as frequently as we
would like. When was the last time you were
thanked for doing your daily chores? Normally,
we don’t think to tell our partner how much we
appreciate them and the things they do for us.
I don’t want anyone to be fake or insincere.
However, I do want to encourage people to use
their words to say, “thanks” or “good job” or “I
really appreciate you” the next time their partner does something they do all the time.
Acts of
all types of physical touch. Maybe your partner
has been working hard all day to mow the lawn.
Why not give him or her a back rub to soothe
sore muscles before bed? Another idea is to hold
hands while driving in the car. This small act of
physical affection can go a long way in making
someone feel like he or she matters to you.
As you think about how you could apply any
of these ideas to your relationship, keep in mind
that each person has his or her own unique love
language. Wha Ёݽɭ́