FAMILY & HOME
‘ No Problem ’ is a Problem
By Donald Broughton
We should all be more careful about the words we use . They reflect our thoughts , but they also drive our actions and determine other people ’ s responses to our actions .
When we ask someone , “ How are you ?” out of true heartfelt concern , how often do they say , “ Fine ” or “ Good ?” Later , we find out that they weren ’ t fine . We feel distanced from those people , and they missed a chance to share a burden with a friend or get assistance when they really needed it .
The same is true when you put time and effort into something , and the person whom you helped thanks you by saying , “ You did a really good job ! Thanks for all you did to make this possible .” Your response : “ No problem .” That ’ s the wrong response . Accept the gratitude . Accept the compliment . Saying “ No problem ” belittles your time and talent , and it belittles the gratitude that someone was trying to show you .
Instead , take the time to say something about what you did . Briefly share what went into turning the problem into a solution and thank them for the acknowledgement . They will value you and your efforts more highly , and you won ’ t run the risk of feeling taken for granted in the future .
In our daily lives , there is value to slowing down just enough to say what we mean . And there is value to slowing down just enough to listen to exactly what that person you are interacting with is saying , and what they are actually trying to communicate . There is a fabulous skill that we all should learn that is described as “ active listening .”
Active listening is a relatively simple and straightforward technique - even if it does take time to master . It starts with listening and then repeating back what you think you heard . Especially when the concepts or emotions that are being communicated are complex , there is immense value in repeating what you think you heard back to the person speaking ( i . e ., “ What I think I heard you say is …,” or “ So what you are trying to tell me is …” or “ You are saying that you ’ d like to …”). In a calm nonconfrontational or nonpatronizing tone ( this is one of the parts that is hard to master ), you repeat what you think you just heard them say , often repeating it exactly or parroting what they said back to them . This accomplishes three basic things :
1 . It shows them that you really are listening and trying to understand what they are trying to say , and that you care about them and what they want to communicate .
2 . It facilitates comprehension . Often , miscommunication is based in different people attaching different meanings to relatively similar words .
3 . It is an easy way to retain more of what the person is communicating , because as you repeat the message you are hearing it again , which raises the likelihood of remembering what was said for both of you . This lowers the risk of either of you later saying , “ But you said …” as the conversation is misremembered .
Active listening also has a side benefit : It cuts down on small talk . Meaningless conversation is repelled . Saying , “ What I think I ’ m hearing you say is that it is really hot outside ” or “ So you are trying to tell me that you actually care what happens to Kim Kardashian ?” tends to stop idle chatter dead in its tracks . If active listening is the “ heads ” side of the coin , then active communication is the “ tails ” side . It ’ s slowing down and saying exactly what you mean . It ’ s stopping and asking , “ Does that make sense ?” It ’ s even going so far as asking the other person to actively listen with some version of , “ Just to make sure I ’ ve been clear , can you tell me what you think it is that I am trying to communicate ?”
So the next time someone thanks you , say , “ You are welcome . It took longer than I originally thought it was going to , but I ’ m pleased with the way it turned out . Thanks for noticing .” The next time someone says “ No problem ,” say , “ Really ? Wasn ’ t there some effort , some time and some talent in getting this done ? Wasn ’ t it actually a problem until you solved it ?”
As founder and managing partner of Broughton Capital , Donald Broughton is a frequent guest on CNBC , “ Nightly Business Report ” and Fox . He is regularly quoted in The Wall Street Journal , where he is also recognized as a top stock picker , as he is by Fortune , Zacks and StarMine .
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