HEALTH & WELLNESS
Tips for a Long and
Lasting Relationship
By Lee Cox
commitment people can make in life. Everyone will more than
likely change jobs (sometimes more than once) and will certainly
retire someday, but as we’re all living longer, so is the challenge
of longevity and commitment to our partners. You have to know going
in that there will be struggles and rough patches, and it takes the belief
that living the commitment every day defines you as a person. Life will
assuredly throw some curve balls your way...and you have to make
choices that reflect the pledges that you made. Loving someone, really
loving someone is the best thing you can experience in life.
2. DON’T FORGET TO PLAY. Every couple needs some commonality.
You don't have to be glued together at the hip, but you have got to spend
time just hanging out and enjoying the lighter sides of life (which are
always there) together. Being silly and playful and sharing adventures
will help you weather the tougher conversations. We all search for the
great love and lust at the beginning of a relationship, but long-term
living together means you've got to like each other, cherish each other,
and continue to seek out each other's company.
3. GOOD SEX IS A GOOD THING. Couples who have experienced
great passion and hot sex will work harder
and longer on their marriages than couples
who have not. Invariably, couples will come
together who have very different sex drives;
compromises are possible if both commit to
learning a little more about each other, and
Lee Cox stands in the balcony of Alton
Little Theater, which she has been
involved in for decades as an actress,
director, costumer – you name it. Not
only does the theater give balance
to Lee’s daily work life, her husband,
Michael, is also involved in theater
projects – behind the scenes, providing
a common interest for them as a couple,
one of the hallmarks of a long-lasting
relationship.
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not making sex the last thing on your “To Do” list. It may not solve every
problem, but having a good sex life keeps you young and healthy and
interested in each other.
4. EMBRACE DIFFERENCES. We all know we shouldn’t try to
change each other (but we still try), and people actually grow into their
more dominant personality features as they age. So practice looking
for the fine qualities in your mate instead of reviewing the qualities you
don't like over and over. Work on complimenting each other instead
of pulling at each other and engaging in power struggles. The person
who knows you best can be a great resource and coach - if you’re not
too afraid to listen.
5. BUILD SOMETHING TOGETHER. Sure, couples will tell you that
building a house together can be very stressful (and it can), but creating
something lasting together reinforces the “ours” and “we” of your life
together. Take up a new hobby - together. For instance, cooking can
actually be a very relaxing and creative activity if you share space and
tasks together - while you TALK. Engaging in a community project
together or even planning a family reunion will have some headaches,
but in the long run, you'll be building a tapestry of memories. And
“history” helps when life gets scary. It’s so
much better to know that someone has been
there through ups and downs of any life. And
even when the projects don't turn out perfect
- remember to laugh. Most of life is pretty
funny actually (or can be), and it’s always
better to share the laughter over the mistakes
along with the accomplishments.
Lee Cox is a clinical psychologist, couple’s therapist
and certified sex therapist with offices in the Christian
Northeast Medical Building complex in St. Louis. She
holds a master’s degree in clinical psychology and has
been in practice for 28 years. Couple’s therapy has been
one of her several concentrations for the last 25 years.
Photo by Vicki Bennington
1. HONOR THE COMMITMENT. Marriage is the ultimate