Funeral Service Times August 2017 October 2018 | Page 8

8
DISPATCHES
Funeral director
raises over £8000
shaving hair for
charity
What’s your why?
Benn Abdy-Collins, funeral celebrant
In my experience, working in the funeral industry brings an interesting mix of
responses from people. I have my reasons for the work I do as an independent civil
funeral celebrant; I know my why? Do you know or have yours?
Are you a child of a family dynasty? Do you want to make a difference? Did you
just “fall into the role”? Was it a conscious career choice early in life or did you
decide later? Is it because you have a desire to make a difference when people need
a funeral to say their goodbyes? Is it just business? Is it something else?
I’ve asked many arrangers, funeral directors, drivers, bearers, embalmers,
celebrants and those working in a natural burial environment, these questions. The
answers were varied, in the same way the people were.
For some it just made sense to work in the industry. For others, it was a family
firm. Some already had friends and family working in the industry and were sucked
in by association. One I spoke with found great satisfaction preparing the deceased,
washing them and dressing them with dignity and respect. Yet others, it was a
retirement job or part-time role, for some extra money, with great flexibility.
The conversations I found the most interesting were about where the ‘why?’ was
driven by experiences of death and/or funerals of a friend or loved one. And those
were both good and bad experiences. I first noticed on the first day of my training.
We were asked to introduce ourselves and say why we were there. Of our group
of eight, four or five had had a poor experience of the way a funeral service was
delivered. We all wanted to make a difference with our work and approach. Some
were inspired by positive experiences. Some of us had spoken at funerals and felt we
could bring something extra, too.
When people ask me about me and my work – one of the usual ‘getting to know
you’ questions – I tell them I’m a funeral celebrant. And then, it often gets a little
interesting. Some already know what a celebrant is because they have a friend who
is one or have been to a celebrant-led service, while most people have no frame
of reference. The habit of pigeonholing fails as a tool when trying to label this new
information, and the reactions that follow include:
That’s interesting! How did you get into that?
So, you’re a Humanist, then?
Isn’t that a bit dark/morbid/sad/sombre? Or similar.
How do you deal with all the grief etc.?
And, the spectre of the death taboo often rears its head (I’m sure you know what I
mean). Awkward silences and shifting feet follow; “I’m not comfortable talking about
that with you.” That said, I’m finding there’s an increasing curiosity about what I do
with questions about how interesting it may be and how do I cope with all the death
and grief.
The work, in my view, is about the mourner’s experience, is not about me, nor my
views or my feelings. And the person who’s life I’m celebrating is not my loved one.
For these reasons, I can remain emotionally uninvolved, yet very present and caring
in the service and pay attention to the mourners and their needs. I find a gentle
considered humour helps, too.
My why is: I felt my mum’s last two pulses and closed her eyes when she died.
These times are difficult. They can be some of the toughest life can throw at us. My
work is to help people through these experiences.
SEPTEMBER 2018
The donations Clare Austin raised
will go towards the Stevenage
Community Trust
Clare Austin, funeral director and
owner of Austin’s Family Funeral
Directors, has raised over £8,000
after shaving her hair off for charity.
The money raised will be going
towards funding for charities and
organisations in her local area,
Stevenage, through the Stevenage
Community Trust.
Austin was born and bred in
Stevenage and for the past 20 years
has run the family funeral business
which was established in town more
than 300 years ago. She has taken
part in a number of fundraising events
including charity work in India and
Vietnam and in 2014 ran the London
Marathon in aid of Stevenage’s local
hospice.
The ’big shave’ took place on
Saturday 25 August at the Austin’s
fairytale themed, Family Fun Day.
This is an event held every year at
Austin’s home for the firm’s staff and
their families. Austin was dressed as
Rapunzel and during the afternoon
had her head shaved in front of 150
guests. The deed was carried out by
hairdresser, Jo Gates, who went to
Barclay School with Austin.
Austin said:“It was an amazing
experience. I received so much
support from my family, friends and
the Austin’s team. I am delighted to
have been able to raise funds for our
community in this way.”
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