Funeral Service Times August 2017 May 2019 | Page 28

28 SOAPBOX
View from the choir stalls
How to choose the music for a funeral – and avoid discords, disputes and disagreements. A monthly
feature by Briony Rawle, co-founder of The London Funeral Singers
“MUM WOULD HAVE
HATED THAT!”
anecdote about listening to a Deep Purple
album with their loved one, which tells
us that what would bring them the most
comfort is being reminded of the times
they shared together.
Figuring out what a client wants for
a funeral is a minefield for funeral
professionals, especially if the client has
only a vague idea of what they’re after.
For some people bereavement provides
perspective and focus, and planning the
funeral is a welcome distraction. But for
others grief can be like a fog, clouding
around them and making decisions
impossible. In cases like this, the only
way to find what they want is to offer
suggestions until something definite
drifts into view – even if it’s just: “Oh no,
Mum always hated All Things Bright And
Beautiful”.
WHAT IS THE MUSIC THERE
FOR?
As music providers we begin of course
by asking: “What kind of music do you
have in mind?” Sometimes we’ll get a clear
answer, but even if not, the way the client
interprets the question tells us something
important: what they most want the music
to achieve.
MAY 2019
CHOOSING THE RIGHT
THING
For example, if they begin to tell us how
much their father loved jazz music, we
can tell that their priority is to reflect their
father’s musical taste. If they answer that
the deceased lived her life with boundless
energy and joy and they want music to
match her spirit, then we know that it’s
the ‘feel’ of the music that matters most.
Perhaps the client will tell a beloved
In some cases a client will tell us they don’t
know what music they want, but in actual
fact they do know deep down and are just
afraid to ask for fear of doing the ‘wrong
thing’. It’s our job to coax out what they
would really like, and provide reassurance
that no one knows the ‘right thing’ better
than them. The ‘right thing’ is simply
whatever songs best achieve whatever the
music is there for, and we are committed
to making pretty much any song work if
that is what will best help those who are
grieving.
For example, during one conversation
we jogged a client’s memory about
his mother’s love of The Beatles, and
prompted a booking for five Beatles
numbers to be performed during her
funeral, in tribute to her music taste.
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