PORTLAND
MARKET
REPORT
December update
“Melchs! How’s it going Wise Man?”
“Not bad Balzo”, said Melchior, turning to
Balthazar.
“You heard the news about the Star in the
East…we better get going”
“Roger that Magi No 3, I’ll get the taxi
ready or do you want to go in your car?”
“No man”, interrupted Gaspar. “We’ll go
on my scooter. Melchior’s taxi won’t get into
Bethlehem city limits, not since Uber paid off
Herod. And your old banger of a diesel Balzo
– no way can we start polluting the stable
area with that thing. Not unless you stock up
on AdBlue and that don’t exist for another
2,000 years – so we better take my scooter. It’s
electric don’t you know and when we get there,
we can beep the hooter to let everyone know
we’ve arrived. Melchs, you can puff on a cigar
on the way or even wear a Playtex bra – all
depends on which primary school you went to.”
“I’ll go for the cigar,” replied Melchior.
“But dudes, we need to think about gifts
before we go. I’m thinking of taking some
oil for the young kid. Doesn’t smell as nice as
Frankincense, but very useful commodity in this
part of the world and it’ll never lose its value I
reckon”.
“TURNS OUT CLIMATE
CHANGE HAS MELTED
ALL THE ICE AND
TURNED FROZEN 2 INTO
A DISASTER MOVIE”
“A METHOD OF CREATING
CLEAN, LIMITLESS ENERGY
WITH NO END, IS SURELY A
FITTING GIFT?”
don’t exactly know what that is. Plus, from a
grammatical viewpoint, I object to the random
use of the letter “h” at the end of the word…”
“Bad choice, B Dog” said Gaspar. “Turns
out Climate Change has melted all the ice and
turned Frozen 2 into a disaster movie. That’s
going to be traumatising for any child. Why
don’t you take him a battery? Just imagine the
kudos of going electric?!”
“No good”, replied Balthazar. “Bethlehem
ain’t putting no charging points in until
2022 earliest. And besides, the limited range
available is never going to get him from
Bethlehem to Nazareth. That’s well over 150
miles. I think I’ll just have to go with Myrrh and
live with the “h” at the end”.
“But what about you Gaspo”, said
Melchior. “What will you take?”
“Well I’ve got to say that unlike you two”,
replied Gaspar, “what with your weird gifts
that nobody’s ever heard of and let’s face it,
both of which border on the insulting. Well
with me, tradition says that I take Gold; useful
yesterday, useful today and useful in the future.
So, I should really stick with that. But in this day
and age, even gold doesn’t feel woke enough
to get many likes on social media. So, I was
thinking along the lines of getting the little one
a Tokamac Fusion Reactor. That’s a mini sun to
you two, my non-learned friends. If the young
lad is as special as I think he is, then a method
of creating clean, limitless energy with no end,
is surely a fitting gift?”
“Woah! Sounds a big ask, transporting
that big bad boy on a scooter Gaspar”, said
Balthazar. “Maybe we should take my diesel
estate after all. The boot space is magnificent”
“He’s right Gasp”, added Melchior. “If we
are going to transport something that hits 100
million degrees C, we probably need to cover
it with something like an old blanket. That
way, Herod’s goons won’t see it and will let us
through”.
“Fair point” said Gaspar. “Let’s do that.
We’ll just have to stock up with loads of AdBlue
from those guys at Portland (in 2,000 years)”.
And so, it was decided that the Three
Wise Men went to Bethlehem bearing gifts
of Frankincense, Myrr(h) and a nuclear fusion
reactor, that might one day be the answer to
all our energy problems.
Happy Christmas one and all!
For more pricing
information, see
page 26
Portland Fuel Price Protection
www.portland-fuel-price-protection.com
“Never lose its value…you’re joking aren’t
you?!” said Balthazar. “Stick with Frankincense.
Oil is so yesterday. Just ask some of the boys
in the Arabian Gulf, desperately trying to
flog their oil company as we speak. Having a
right old time of it I hear. Only going to get a
couple of trillion, which is nothing when you
consider how many wives their Royal Family
has to keep. No mate, this is a young kid we’re
talking about and all young kids love a Disney
film, so I’m going to get him the new Frozen
2 Movie. It’s that or Myrrh and the truth is I
Fuel Oil News | December 2019 11