Get Your
Nog On
by Lucas Korth
fsmomaha.com
C
hristmas time is here. Joyful every year; wrap up all your
gifts and press booze to your lips till you disappear. Now you
can’t be late, for those in-laws that you hate, you’ve led your wife
astray with your jugs of cabernet, what, no church today?
Ah, Christmas. It really is a miserable time, isn’t it? The magic
got sucked out of it at least a decade ago and now all that’s left is a
sad, shoddily decorated shell of obligation. Oof. Nonetheless, the
holidays are not all despair. As long as we, as a human race, keep
inventing new and exciting ways to get drunk, there is cause for
celebration. And what better way to tolerate your bizarre relatives
and their wiener kids than by getting absolutely befuddled on
some homemade eggnog? Sounds gross, huh? Allow me to explain
utilizing some questionable “science” I found on the internet.
care” camp, but we’re dealing with raw eggs, dairy and time, so
maybe don’t use that Tupperware with all the crusty spaghetti in it.
Scrubbed and sanitized, we are now prepared to go to nog.
First, the annoying part: separate the yolks into your mixing bowl,
discarding the whites. You may save them, of course, and make egg
white omelets with them, you John Cusack loving jellyfish. Whisk
two cups of sugar into the yolks until well-combined, then add
everything else, mixing as you go. Dump the contents into sealable
“What better way to tolerate your
bizarre relatives than by getting
absolutely befuddled on some
homemade eggnog?”
To begin, you will need to acquire the appropriate provisions: a
dozen eggs, one cup heavy cream, a quart of whole milk, sugar, a
liter of bourbon, and a healthy glug each of dark rum and cognac or
brandy. Before you start it’s very important that all of your utensils
and containers are ultra clean. Normally I’m in the “long hair, don’t
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