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for any length of time. Anthony, being a bit older, wasn’t part of that same circle. If he had any social circle at all, I didn’t know of it. When a couple of days turned into several, it was learned that her only brother had died; the revelation shared by a mutual friend when several of us were gathered. My insides immediately exploded with pain and twisted agony. I refused to believe it but with the crippling pain that invaded my body, I knew it to be true. It was immediately followed with the shock that he took his own life; found hanging in the closet of their sunroom. I remember shouting that it couldn’t be true. Heart wrenching pain took over my body. At that very moment, to keep from falling to the ground and flailing about in agony, I bolted. A sudden fever was boiling my flesh, the heat so intense causing me to collapse to the ground.
Struggling to my feet and stumbling away, not caring what they thought of my strange behavior. My body feeling inflamed, the sensation of pins and needles painfully piercing my flesh. I ran to his home, screaming in my head, Anthony no, please no! Please, no God! Don’t let it be true.
Arriving at his home, my body shutting down from the agonizing possibility that he was gone, I sobbed uncontrollably not caring who would see. I stared up at the sunroom through tear-filled eyes, pleading for him to look down at me, like he always did when I was expected. Clamping my teeth down, burying my face in my hands, squeezing my eyes shut, pleading that the rumors were not true. My legs and arms, painfully vibrating out of control. Electric currents running through my body. Violently sobbing, it can’t be true. The black manacle of grief closed around my shattered heart and locked into place like a horrible sickness. Then I knew.
I saw that the shades, yellow with age, were drawn in the sunroom blocking any view into what was, our room. The windows now reflecting the setting sun. I was a spectacle outside a home which had just experienced tragedy. With my head pounding, I willed my body to carry me away. The abandoned railroad tracks, just a city block from where I stood, with