Toileting for Toddlers By Mary Broeckling
Though helping your toddler transition from diapers to underwear can feel like a daunting task , it can in fact be an empowering experience that encourages confidence and independence . Use the terms “ toileting ” or “ toilet learning ” instead of “ potty training ,” so your child can be an active participant in the process . Toilet learning actually begins long before switching to underwear . By 18 months , children are typically able to control their bowel and bladder movements ; however , signs of readiness for underwear — an interest in the bathroom , frequent dry diapers at changing time , successful urination in the toilet — may not come until much later . Rather than comparing your child to others , or going by your child ’ s age , look for these signs .
In the meantime , you can begin the process of toilet learning by changing diapers in the bathroom , to establish it as the place where toileting occurs . Have your child practice pulling down pants , sitting down , eliminating ( or not ), wiping front to back , pulling up pants , flushing if necessary , and , finally , washing hands . It can be difficult for the male child to know when to sit and when to stand , so have boys sit to start . Remind him to scoot back and push his penis down ( at school , we use anatomically correct terms ).
Once you introduce underwear , use it in all cases except naptime and night-time ( it takes longer to learn how to control the bladder while sleeping ). Refer to these as “ sleeping diapers ” so that your child understands they are only worn when sleeping . Going back and forth between underwear and diapers or pull-ups is confusing . After 30 consecutive days of waking up from nap dry , you can start to ditch the naptime diaper , and later , sometimes much later , the nighttime diaper .
Accidents will happen . Diapers were created to wick moisture away from the body so the child won ’ t feel wet or uncomfortable . When a child wears cotton underwear , she begins to feel the sensation of being wet . Through accidents , she can start making connections between the sensation of needing to urinate and feeling wet . Be patient ; this takes time and practice . React calmly , and never use guilt or shame . At school I say , “ I see that you ’ re wet . Let ’ s get some dry clothes to change into .” I also give a gentle reminder that urine goes in the toilet . Set your child up for success : Toddlers don ’ t have the time or fine-motor coordination to manage things like belts , buckles , buttons and snaps . Elastic-waist pants are easy to put on and take off independently ; avoid overalls and onesies . When there is a urine accident , let your child help as much as possible — allow him to wipe up and go behind him , sanitizing where needed . Encourage him to place soiled clothing in the laundry and choose dry underwear and dry pants .
At the beginning of toilet learning , I suggest reminding your child every 30 minutes . As this proves successful — she is dry and can successfully urinate in the toilet — you can lengthen this time , but never go more than 2 hours without a reminder . Always tell your child it ’ s time to use the toilet rather than asking ( you know as well as I do that you can ask a toddler just about anything and the answer will be “ no ”). Options work . Say to your child , “ It ’ s time to use the toilet . Would you like to use the toilet downstairs or upstairs ? Do you prefer the toilet or the potty seat ?” If she chooses a normal-size toilet , consider adding a step stool so her feet aren ’ t dangling , to provide a sense of comfort and safety .
Establish a consistent toileting schedule so you ’ re not interrupting your child in the middle of a fun activity . Try toileting when you wake up in the morning , before getting into the car , before lunch , before nap , just after nap , etc . If you use the toilet too during these times , you show your child that there ’ s a consistent schedule for everyone . Create visual schedules that depict daily activities , including sitting on the toilet . Before outings , say , “ We can go to the park ( or whatever fun activity you have planned ) after you sit on the toilet .” Or consider these phrases : “ The clock tells me that it ’ s your turn to sit on the toilet .” “ Would you like to use the toilet now or in 3 minutes ?” “ Can you do it by yourself or do I need to help your body ?” There ’ s no reason why you can ’ t cash in on your child ’ s burgeoning independence .
Rewards and punishments aren ’ t necessary and often hinder toileting progress . Offering a reward sets a precedent and teaches your child that learning to use the toilet is merely for a reward instead of fostering an intrinsic desire to master toileting .
Don ’ t be afraid to ask your child ’ s teacher if any questions come up along the way . Good luck , and happy toileting !
MARY BROECKLING is a Toddler teacher at Montessori School of Denver , in Denver , CO . She is AMS-credentialed ( Infant & Toddler ). Contact her at mbroeckling @ msd-co . org .
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