Final Lit Mag 3 | Page 14

Anxiety A-Z by Zacharie Anxiety rises like the rolling tide, rough and relentless b u t n a t u r e a t t h i s p o i n t . It w a s h e s o v e r , e n c a s e s , a n d squeezes the life out, until only a shell of exhaustion is l e f t . It w i l l r e t u r n j u s t a s h a r s h l y a n o t h e r da y , a l w a y s present but not always so vicious. B e f o r e i t b e g a n , t h e r e w a s p e a c e . T h e r e w e r e fr i e n ds , many of them. There were opportunities that could be taken without a second thought. But never again will that be true. C h u c k l e d r e p l i e s c o m e f r o m e v e r y d i r e c t i o n . T h e y do n ’ t understand the crushing weight of tentative panic. Everything is perceived as a threat. There is never an instant of true relaxation. It seems useless to try and keep calm. Fighting a war that cannot be won without support. It can get better, but will it? Go it alone. Don’t bother them. They have enough on their plates. Asking would j ust annoy them. Asking would disappoint them. Hating every word uttered. Hating every move made. In d e s c r i b a b l e i n s e c u r i t y . N e v e r a m o m e n t w i t h o u t fe a r . Never a moment without some threat. Joking remarks that hurt. Joking remarks that lead to outbursts. Joking remarks that lead to punishment and fear. K i l l i n g t i m e w i t h n o t h i n g . P r o c r a s t i n a t i o n i s a fr i e n d. I t keeps panic at bay, at least for a short while. Lying about work not done. Scratch it out quickly so they don’t notice. Mind bombarded from every angle . Disappointment. Don’t matter. Give in. No one seems to understand. They mock. They taunt. They c a n ’ t s e e w h a t ’ s h a p p e n i n g14O r m a y b e t h e y do n ’ t w a n t t o . .