What actually happened?
Then look at whether it's becoming a pattern.
Don't fall in love with potential
One of the biggest dating traps is falling for the person someone could be instead of paying attention to who they are right now.
Maybe they'll become more emotionally available.
Maybe they'll stop disappearing.
Maybe they'll deal with their anger better.
Maybe they'll eventually want the same kind of relationship you do.
Maybe.
But a healthy relationship isn't built around waiting for someone to become the person you need them to be.
Pay attention to the person standing in front of you—not the person you hope is hiding underneath the mask.
Take off your own mask, too.
There is another side to red flags that we don't always talk about.
Sometimes we're so focused on figuring out whether they are right for us that we forget to ask whether we are being honest with ourselves.
Are you ignoring something because you're afraid to start over?
Are you accepting behavior you would tell your best friend not to accept?
Are you trying to convince yourself that chemistry means compatibility?
Are you more attached to the potential of the relationship than the reality of what it is right now in front of you?
Dating with intention doesn't mean looking for perfection. Everyone has flaws. Everyone has bad days. Everyone brings some history and baggage into a relationship.
The goal isn't to find someone without a single red flag.
It's to find someone whose values, behavior, communication, and intentions are compatible with yours and to be honest enough with yourself to recognize when they aren't.
Look for patterns and be aware of what's behind the mask.
The answer isn't to walk into every date suspicious, waiting for the mask to fall off.
Dating should be fun. You should be able to enjoy the butterflies, the chemistry, the excitement and getting to know someone new.
But stay curious and on your toes.
Watch how they handle disappointment.
Watch how they respond when you disagree.
Watch whether they respect your boundaries.
Watch whether their actions match their words.
And most importantly, give yourself enough time to actually see the person you're dating.
Because sometimes the mask doesn't come off on the first date or even the first month.
Sometimes it comes off when things don't go their way.
Sometimes it comes off when you say no.
Sometimes it comes off when the honeymoon phase fades.
And sometimes, what you discover underneath isn't a monster at all. It's simply a real person—with flaws, vulnerabilities and imperfections—who may or may not be the right person for you.
Chemistry may open the door, but character is what you discover once you walk through it. Keep your eyes and hearts open to finding your person.