In my career working my way up in the luxury fashion industry, I felt like a completely different person in my professional life than the rest of my life. As soon as I slipped on my business clothes, the real Alyse stayed at home so I could carefully craft my image as a businessperson. You may think this is a positive, that I could go to work shielded from my emotions and who I really was. However, this is like avoiding your actual problems and allowing them to build up and fester, rather than confronting them.
As my career ascended, I realized the most “successful” people by conventional standards, were also the ones unafraid of hard conversations and willing to share deep truths about themselves. At my most recent position at Christian Louboutin, I was part of a team that valued vulnerability and showing up as who you are every single day. As a result of having caring,
empathetic team members, I could slowly open the gates of the fortress I’d built up around me.
This turned out to be one of the most impactful professional experiences of my life. With each step I took towards showcasing my authentic self, I felt not only more confident and relaxed at work, but my performance improved. Most importantly, though, my relationships with my colleagues reached a depth I couldn’t imagine previously.
Put Yourself in Others Shoes
Picture how you feel when a loved one, a good friend, or even somebody you follow like an actor or athlete shares something about themselves, something deep and uncomfortable. Especially if it’s an ultra-financially successful person, you feel closer to them once you find out that they’re human also and like all humans they have internal struggles too.
Instead of pushing you away, it will likely bring you closer to them. When you do the same, it will allow you to relate to your colleagues and, really, everyone in your life. Brené Brown in Dare To Lead talks about being able to “rumble,” having vulnerable conversations with those who you work with. That’s what I challenge you to do this month- to show up in your conversations with just a little bit more of your heart exposed. You will see that vulnerability can be one of your greatest strengths.
Next time you feel yourself shielding something, when you feel your body resist wanting to share, try it and see what happens. I promise you whatever fears you feel, the opposite will happen, and in the end, you’ll feel more like yourself and more connected to those in your life.
Photo Credit Chang Duong