I’ve just returned from 31 days traveling in Brazil, visiting my husband’s family and immersing myself in his native culture. We traveled to 17 different cities, and through the variety of things we did and places we saw, there was one element at the center of it all: food.
Having a group of people over to my house for dinner is something I normally plan in advance - I invite people, get a headcount, figure out what we’re going to eat (and maybe ask people to bring something too), clean the house before people arrive, and the list goes on.
In Brazil, people are ready to feed you on a moment’s notice - and I’m talking a full meal complete with dessert and coffee afterward. One of my husband’s cousins described it to me this way: “By inviting you to my table, I am asking to get to know you better.” It’s not about the house being in perfect order or planning the perfect menu. It’s not about the place settings or having five drink options. It’s about good old fashioned, face-to-face conversation, over a meal.
Modern society is generally rushed and meal time is often a part of the day that is sacrificed. How many times have you eaten in the car on the road or standing at the kitchen counter next to the sink, so you can finish as quickly as possible and just sweep the dirty dishes to the side before bolting on to your next commitment?
Above and beyond the nutritional benefits of sitting down and taking your time to eat, the interpersonal benefits of eating with other people has been touted by countless experts, and I’ve seen the benefits firsthand.
I found that over meals, I got to know my husband’s family and friends, whom I was meeting for the first time, on a level I can’t imagine having achieved through any other activity we could have done together.
We got to discuss everything from our bucket lists and fashion preferences, to religion and politics, thoughts on children, and so many other things in between. I know what my husband’s family believes in. I know what religion they follow and why and what they think about education and discipline. I know what they like to do in their free time and also what they do for a living - and not just their job title, but what they actually do in their day-to-day. I’ve had the opportunity to listen to priceless stories from my husband’s childhood, and I also have a glimpse into some of the biggest political issues facing Brazil currently and how it's affecting the lives of people who live there.
All things that can only be learned through quality conversation, which is difficult to have while climbing the stairs to the Cristo Redentor statue or in a loud bar while dancing samba for example.
I now know some of my husband’s friends’ friends, on a deeper level than I know some people I’ve know for the last six months. We met a friend of a friend at a soccer game. As we were leaving the game (keep in mind, this is the first time either of us have ever met him), he asked us if we were hungry. In our usual mindset, we just assumed he was inviting us to dinner at a restaurant. We got in his car, and twenty minutes later, we’re at his house sitting down to dinner with his whole family; parents, sister and her boyfriend, aunt and cousin. It was a delicious home cooked meal and as a group we discussed everything from my thoughts on yoga to my first impressions of Brazil.
Here I am, typically planning a week in advance to have some of my closest friends over for dinner one night, and here they are, inviting perfect strangers to dinner the day-of. We’re not strangers anymore, and we ended up spending two more days of our trip together with our new friend.
These 31 days taught me to make mealtime a priority. I certainly plan to spend more time eating and chatting with my husband and my family and my friends, because I care about them. Their beliefs, what they find funny, their dreams, their pet peeves. Dinner doesn’t have to be something you’d see in Martha Stewart Living, as long as the company is good. An obsession with schedules and screens, and the growing role that social media plays in each of our lives has already taken away enough of our genuine interpersonal connections. Let’s re-connect, let’s eat. Bom apetite!
by Jackie Minchillo
Something Everyone Can Learn From Brazil's Food Culture