How to Stay YOU in the Masterpiece of Relationships
By Erika Fay LMFT
When you think of art, what comes to mind? A painting by Monet, a Beethoven symphony, an Ansel Adams photograph? Architecture, Film, Literature, Dance, even nature could be considered art. All of these are different expressions of beauty and creation. Part of what made the great artists great, was their unique styles. Monet’s painting is signature Monet, Mozart’s music is distinctly Mozart, get the idea?
I never considered myself to be much of an artist, but definitely have an appreciation for it. In my work with men, women and couples, I have also come to believe that there is another form of art and that is the art of relationships. What is more beautiful than two people living out their passions, goals and dreams, together? Now this is a symphony in and of itself. When we live authentically and uniquely, we fulfill our purpose and create universal beauty. The good news is that it is possible. In practice however, this can be a rare find. More often than not, I see men and women, losing themselves in an effort to maintain their relationship and please the other.
This may work in the short term, but it leads to long term resentment, sadness and anger, which can ultimately destroy a relationship. The ingenuity is in two people staying connected to their individuality while keeping the relationship feeling good. Do you often find yourself separating from your individual preferences, desires and passions in order to please your mate? The beauty begins to emerge, when asking questions like how a person stays connected to who he or she is while also being part of a couple, or whether it’s hard to stay true to you, while you are in a relationship.
It is easy to see how individuality can lead to “singleness” but staying connected to your individuality while also being in a committed relationship requires some configuration and architecture. When two individuals come together in love, with their own passions, desires, values and dreams, their relationship is a blank canvas. Paint the masterpiece of your life with someone by knowing who you are, what you are passionate about and having a clear understanding of your values. Knowing your values is an exercise in and of itself.