love is gripped too tightly, even a partner who loves deeply may begin to feel she needs air.
This is not about blame. It is about awareness.
My sons will likely one day love deeply as I have. Or perhaps, will have partners who expand their understanding of identity beyond what I or they imagine. What matters most is not who they love. It is how they love.
Will they feel secure enough to allow their partner to grow? Will they celebrate ambition in someone else? Will they know the difference between passion and possession? Will they understand that strength in a partner is not a threat?
I cannot control their future. But I can shape their foundation. And the most important gift I can give my sons is not opportunity. It is my emotional presence.
I say I’m sorry when I overreact and they would say I do so quite often about certain things! I let them see me cry. I allow them to see me fail and take time, sometimes my 12-quiet- hours habit to recalibrate. Unlike the perfection I grew up witnessing, I do not pretend to have it all together. I really don’t.
Every morning and every night, even after disagreement, I tell them I love them and that I am so proud of them. Not for what they accomplish but for who they are and who they are becoming.
Because if a boy does not feel steady love early, he will spend much of his adulthood searching for reassurance in ways that may not serve him or the person he loves.