happen to keep me around. I went for the bait and let the goal post shift, which I had never done in my life. My core values are non-negotiable and there I was letting them shift.
Time would pass, and the cycle would start again, over, and over.
I remember the day I was standing in front of the mirror and didn’t recognize myself.
It scared me to death. It
was at that moment I
made the decision to
rescue myself from the
abuse, but I didn’t know
if I had the tools in my
toolbelt to make it
happen. That also
scared me to death
because, although
I’ve been through
some very
challenging things in my life and rose above, this was the first time in my life I questioned if I could rise above
.
I had not told anyone about the abuse because I didn’t want my family and friends to worry about me, but it was also because I felt enormous shame and embarrassment. I made the calls and began planning my
escape. I’m not a good
liar, and it was
extremely difficult
to pretend things
were ok, but I did
my best. He
sensed I was not
happy and suggested I go back to Chicago, never expecting me to agree, but I did. I told him that’s exactly what I was going to do. He didn’t believe me until a few days later when I told him my son was flying out to drive back to Chicago with me. I had no idea where I was going to stay upon my return, what I was going to do professionally since my business was no longer sustainable, and I had no belongings other than my clothing. But I was leaving no matter what.
I did not know this was the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. Once the victim tells the abuser she is leaving, desperation sets in and quite often leads to fatal outcomes. As I spent the next three days packing my clothes and minimal other belongings (I got rid of everything when I moved there) he tried desperately to convince me to change my mind without success. Every time I told him I was not staying he spiraled further out of control because he no longer held the power, I did. He was so desperate he proposed to me. Dressed in a suit and tie, he sat me down to pledge his undying love for me while sliding a diamond on my finger and explaining the very generous prenup and irrevocable trust his attorneys were preparing. I gently slid the ring off my finger and told him I would not marry him. You can imagine how that was received. One minute he was telling me I was the most incredible woman he had ever met and 20 minutes later he was verbally tearing me to shreds. I looked him in the eyes and said, “You will never be enough for me”. I knew this was dangerous, but I had to say it. I was not going to sneak out of the house when he wasn’t home- I wanted him to watch me leave.