Alex Dorfman is a FLM intern and Sophomore at Tufts University. She is majoring in English and is an op-ed contributor to the Tufts Daily. Her favorite pastimes include horseback riding, reading, and eating cupcakes.
Whenever I visit home, people have two questions for me: do you like college? and are you seeing anyone? The answer to the first question is always, yes, I love school, while the response to the latter has lately been, no, I’m not. I thought people would be happy when they found out how much I loved my school, but for some reason, they all seem focused on my relationship status. My negative response causes them to smile pityingly and say, “Don’t worry, you’ll meet someone,” leaving me wondering what I did to deserve such a halfhearted pep talk.
By Alex Dorfman
Whenever I visit home, people have two questions for me: do you like college? and are you seeing anyone? The answer to the first question is always, yes, I love school, while the response to the latter has lately been, no, I’m not. I thought people would be happy when they found out how much I loved my school, but for some reason, they all seem focused on my relationship status. My negative response causes them to smile pityingly and say, “Don’t worry, you’ll meet someone,” leaving me wondering what I did to deserve such a halfhearted pep talk.
But, hey, maybe it’s me. Maybe I accidentally sound upset or my awkward smile comes off as an uncomfortable grimace. I don’t know. Whatever it is, I can’t help but wonder why they’re all so interested in my singleness. I mean, it’s college, and finding a guy really isn’t a priority. Ask me about my classes or my friends or the food or, if you really want to talk for a while, ask me about the Equestrian team. I can blab about horses for hours. They’re much more interesting than my relationship status or lack thereof. And that’s the thing. Just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I’m lacking in anything. In fact, being on my own has given me exactly the freedom I need at this point in my life.
As an introverted person, I cherish my alone time. Being single has helped me realize how much I need it. A relationship, obviously, requires much time and commitment and last year, when I was in one, I didn’t get enough time for myself. I was constantly rearranging my already jam-packed schedule to spend more time with my boyfriend, and my grades took a hit, as did my friendships. After the relationship ended, I remembered worrying about what to do with all my free time. I no longer had anywhere to go after my babysitting job ended or anyone to pick up on my way home from Track practice. But after a couple of weeks, I noticed how serene I felt after spending two or three days all alone. I went on long runs or to the beach by myself, and rather than feeling lonely or unsettled, I felt calm. I could hear myself think, and I had time to enjoy what I was doing at the moment rather than rushing off to see my boyfriend. I had more time and energy to focus on my friends and my family too. I’ve realized that spending time alone makes me a much more relaxed, happier person, and I am careful to take that time for myself.
about what to do with all my free time. I no longer had anywhere to go after my babysitting job ended or anyone to pick up on my way home from Track practice. But after a couple of weeks, I noticed how serene I felt after spending two or three days all alone. I went on long runs or to the beach by myself, and rather than feeling lonely or unsettled, I felt calm. I could hear myself think, and I had time to enjoy what I was doing at the moment rather than rushing off to see my boyfriend. I had more time and energy to focus on my friends and my family too. I’ve realized that spending time alone makes me a much more relaxed, happier person, and I am careful to take that time for myself.
Also, being on my own has let me make my own mistakes. A boyfriend once told me that I probably shouldn’t join a sorority because it really didn’t seem like me at all. Although I went ahead and joined a sorority anyway, his questions irritated me. So what if it didn’t seem like me? It was my decision, and I didn’t make him join Greek Life with me. Ironically, in the end, he was right, and I realized a sorority was not the place for me, but still, it was my mistake to make. And having made it, I have learned a lot about myself and how I want to spend my time at college, things I couldn’t have learned had I not rushed because my boyfriend told me it didn’t ‘seem like me.’
Single Life
My Life
by Alex Dorfman
Clearly, relationships inevitably define us, particularly romantic ones. Of course, this can be amazing; it’s part of being in love and all that, but right now, I need to figure out how to be Alex before I can figure out how to be Alex, blank’s, girlfriend. I don’t want to be alone forever, and I certainly don’t think that every nineteen year old must be single to discover themselves. But being alone has given me the freedom to focus on my friendships and family, expand my interests, and fall in love with myself, flaws and all. And isn’t self love one of the greatest freedoms we can ask for?