Life is funny, you know? We spend our childhood and early adult years struggling to find independence. We desperately want to make our own decisions, travel places by ourselves and have the world see us for the mature, in-control people that we are. We insist upon being noticed, we do what we want when we want, and we love it when we’re entrusted with choices. So why is it that so often when we find a significant other we suddenly forget just how great being independent feels? We dedicate our lives to co-dependency and forget that living freely is not only good for the soul, but it’s also highly attractive to our partner. After all, you were single, sexy and independent when you first met right?
So how can we live freely (and maintain a lasting attraction) in our relationships?
1. Remember, it’s still ‘all about you’.
Now before you run off and start making frivolous decisions without regard for your partner, let me explain. When you enter into a relationship with another person the idea is that life is more fun together. You are two healthy people creating memories; the operative word here being ‘healthy.’ Your biggest responsibility in the relationship is you! That means cultivating a healthy mind-set. You must realize that you are your own person and as such, take responsibility for creating boundaries, understanding that you have power over your thoughts and the resulting emotions. You must realize that your responses to the challenges and successes in life set the tone for your relationship. You also must accept that your energy is contagious, and therefore work to create the type of energy you desire in your life.
2. View your partner as your friend first.
If you are guilty of placing big expectations on your partner to satisfy your emotional needs, then pay special attention to this point. Your partner should be your friend first. Why? Well, because you have more fun with your friends, right? Building a friendship with your partner is a topic that is near to my heart. You will experience an invaluable amount of freedom when you start viewing your partner as your friend first. That means you stop placing pressure on him or her to make you happy and let go of the need to plan every outing or date. It means that your tolerance for the insignificant frustrations becomes greater and your desire to create fun together is heightened.
3. Schedule time away from your partner.
We spend so much time discussing the importance of date night that we sometimes forget that time away from our partner can be equally as beneficial. Not only does time apart give you the opportunity to experience yourself as separate and independent, but it also allows you to treasure the moments you do have together. Regular time apart establishes a sense of freedom that contributes to long-lasting emotional attraction.
4. Let “I’m sorry” be enough.
One of the biggest thieves of freedom is our inability to move beyond the past. Life is hard and people suck. The sooner you realize that hard truth the better off you’ll be. Your loved one is going to let you down; it’s fairly inevitable. The greatest decision you can make for your life is to let “I’m sorry” be enough. Sitting around scrutinizing follow up behaviors or your partner’s tone for proof of authenticity is not only pointless, but it robs you of mental freedom and positive energy.
Living freely is a choice. Let a sense of freedom be the foundation for your life and relationships. When you let go of expectations and doubts, only then can you be truly free! In my private coaching program ‘Savvy & Soulful’, I help clients learn ways to be more confident in their relationships by freeing their minds of damaging thoughts that hold them back. Creating emotionally satisfying connections is achieved by a heightened self-awareness and acceptance of your thought patterns and behaviors. Learn more about the coaching process or download a free copy of The Love Challenge: 21 Activities for Building Friendship in a Romantic Relationship at CandisHickman.com.
4 Tips for Living Freely in Your Relationships
by
Candis Hickman