When I did make it to the bottom, there was my friend Katy, ready to head back up again. I told her to go ahead, I’d be waiting at the foot of the hill... I had to sit this one out. As I sat at the bottom of the bunny hill, uncontrollably weeping, I started to feel some of my old trauma surface. I was abused as a child and when I feel stuck in tough situations, I can be pretty hard on myself. Instead of not being good on my first run, I heard myself say that I was no good, period. I would never become a great snowboarder; I couldn’t even make it down the bunny hill. I should just give up now. '
“You need to go eat some lunch,” I heard someone say.
I pulled myself out of my self-loathing pity party to look up at the ski resort worker staring down at me. “You need to go eat some lunch and come back here with a different attitude. You’ll never make it down the mountain if you don’t have a positive attitude,” he said to me with all sincerity. A few moments later Katy returned and after a soul refreshing meal of veggie burgers and beer we returned to the slopes to take on our first official run.
I never did make it down the mountain without falling. But you know what? I got better each time. And I learned a little more about what I was doing. By then end of the day I
was embracing my falls. Each time I felt myself losing control I would curse and scream and sometimes laugh. I did get a couple of pretty good rides before each wipeout. And I even managed to exit the lift without falling on my final ride.
I had a thought while tumbling down the hill one of those times. Maybe the pursuit of happiness is like snowboarding. It’s really hard and not very many people are good at it. Sometimes we think we have all the answers, only to catch our edge and wipeout in the most painful way possible. But if we keep trying - if we keep getting up in spite of our fear of failing - our muscles will get stronger and one day we will succeed in seeing the view. And as my new friend Tim says, “top of the mountain... most beautiful place in the world.”