For those who may have missed it, The 5 Love Languages was written by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1992, and I remember it was everywhere back then. His theory is that people express and receive love in five distinct ways: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. Chapman’s hypothesis is that people tend to give love in the way they prefer to receive it, and better communication happens when you speak your partner’s “language.” So if you love receiving gifts, you’re more likely to give them, even if your partner might prefer Words of Affirmation, and you’d be wise to figure that out.
But do these languages actually work? Dr. Chapman has been married to the same person for decades, so in a study group of two, I suppose they’re doing something right. But a 2024 Psychology Today paper used a condensed version of the 5LL with 700 couples (who’d been together at least a year) to test relationship satisfaction based on whether their love languages “matched.”
Overall, the study found no real impact on satisfaction based on matching love languages, and more than half the participants didn’t even have a specific one
In short, any form of expression—Acts of Service, Touch, etc.—was seen as positive, but Words of Affirmation and Quality Time skewed the highest. So this study pretty much disproved the 5LL hypothesis that you need to focus on one language to be successful in love. Instead, be nice and make time for your partner. Makes sense to me.