"Totally unprepared am I
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared, am I
Of things beyond my ken
I need someone older and wiser
Telling me what to do
You are seventeen going on eighteen
I'll depend on you."
When I was a young girl, I loved this movie. When I grew up, I realized that many of my still beloved musical's themes didn't age well. Still, I overlooked its flaws, focusing on romance and pageantry instead.
But come on, Louisa. You have no concept of your own needs or identity. As a dutiful daughter in the early 1940s, she hoped to find a man to literally tell her what to do, even as the Nazis were closing in.
On the opposite end of the spectrum: Meet Luisa of Disney's Encanto, who feels the weight of perfectionism.
She sings,
"Under the surface
I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus
….
Under the surface
I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service
A flaw or a crack, the straw in the stack
..
Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks (Pressure)
No mistakes, just
Pressure like a grip, grip, grip, and it won't let go, woah-oh
Pressure like a tick, tick, tick 'til it's ready to blow, woah-oh-oh-oh
…
Who am I if I don't have what it takes?
No cracks, no breaks
No mistakes!
Lin-Manuel Miranda said he was inspired to write the song by his big sister, Luisa, who carried the burden of being the oldest child of their family.
As an oldest child myself, I relate to this Luisa. Much of my self-esteem is tied up in being perfect, taking on the extra assignment, and executing flawlessly every time. Who am I if I don't have what it takes? No mistakes.
Eventually, Luisa realizes she's more than her gifts, and her family gives her room to relax. Louisa sees Rolf as the Make Germany Great Again Nazi he always was and literally leaves him behind.
The Louisa of that era long ago needed a man to make her feel complete. The Luisa of today's Encanto must do it all herself. The truth is, both fictional sisters have lessons to teach and for most of us, happiness falls somewhere in the middle.
I value my independence, and while it's hard for me to admit when I'm about to break, I'm learning how to step away before things get that bad. Sometimes I need someone, older and wiser, telling me what to do in the form of trusted advisors and I love having my husband as a partner and co-parent and friend.
Ironically, there's strength in asking for what you need and receiving it without remorse or guilt.
I hope modern little girls find inspiration from women who can do it all but sometimes choose to do nothing. Perhaps they will take their cues from those who get help where and when they need it and also generously pass along their own expert advice.
Now and in the future, that's truly what it takes. No mistake.