The Veteran Relationship
Whether you’ve been married for a long time or been in a long term relationship with your partner, you know that there are many challenges and obstacles that you encounter along the way. The most precious thing that you don’t have enough of in this relationship is time. If either of you work a normal 9 to 5 then you’re days are mostly spent a part. When your significant other travels for work then time spent together becomes significantly less. Now let’s talk about throwing kids into the mix and all hell breaks loose. For a lot of stay at home Mom’s and Dad’s there are school drop offs and pick ups, homework, sports, music lessons, dance rehearsal, and to top that off dinner still has to be made. Your girlfriends are calling for a girl’s night out, but you can’t find a sitter. Your parents want to see you, but they live in another city or state. It’s tough finding the time to spend with anyone, especially while the kids are tugging on your shirt and your partner is pulling on your arm. At the end of the day all you want is a comfy couch and a nice glass of red wine. Specifically, men have may their own manly issues. Sometimes working and then playing is not an option. That four hour golf round on Saturday has now become a five hour Little League baseball double header, or a honey to do list that includes fixing and cleaning things. Planning a date night with your wife or even a boy’s night out is a process. In my circle of friends, the women are much better at getting together more often than the guys. They have book club meetings and birthday celebrations for each other all the time. Salon.com published an article in 2013 saying that most men need more friends. Specifically in America, adult white heterosexual men have the fewest friends. The article added that men wanted more emotional support from their friends like women get from their friends. I don’t necessarily need more friends, just more time with friends. In any case the frustration continues to mount as the tug-o-war continues. Here are some tips on eliminating this madness.
1.) Manage your time efficiently. Time is one thing that we can never get back. Get rid of the minutia in your life and focus on things that matter. This will lead you back to spending time with the folks that are most important to you in your life. Family and friends.
2.) Schedule day dates with your friends. Having an early morning or afternoon coffee can be just as enjoyable as drinking cocktails. Maybe not as fun, but at least you will be able to catch up with friends. Also try to throw in a lunch date with your significant other if that’s possible. Not necessarily at a restaurant, but at a park as well. Play dates with kids also help to stay connected.
3.) Get a sitter and leave the kids at home once a week. Sometimes you just have to make an effort to get out of the house without the kids. Do something fun and different with your partner. Think outside the box and surprise each other with new and silly things to do.
4.) Designate a kids day. A kids day could simply be pizza night every Friday or Sunday brunch. Our kids love to dance, so every Saturday morning I play music for them and have a dance party. Whatever the activity may be, just make it a day that your kids will look forward to.
No matter what type of relationship you’re in, it’s important to maintain a balance that will allow you to hang out with friends, family, kids, parents and co-workers. You have to sincerely let your spouse or significant other enjoy their away time with their friends without consequence. Know your partner’s social boundaries, likes and dislikes, before making that big step down the aisle. Try to grow socially together as your relationship matures. Opposites may attract, but the more you have in common with someone the better the odds of staying together. Don’t let your friends ruin a good thing that you have with your partner, because they can’t cope with being left out. However, don’t forget about your friends to the point where they feel neglected and then expect things to go back to normal after a brief dating period. It sounds pretty complicated huh? Well, it probably is, especially when emotions come in to play. Just think about how you would like to be treated in any situation and I’m sure you will do what’s best for your relationship tug-o-war.