They said they had some questions they wanted to ask me. After assuring them they could ask me anything, as long as we were having an honest conversation, one of them told me he didn’t consider me a nigger, because I acted differently than other black people he knew or had seen on TV. The other guy then asked me if my blood was the same color as his. Oh boy! I was floored by what they thought, but how could I get mad if they didn’t know and I knew their curiosity was genuine. I did a lot of explaining that night on race, stereotypes and perceptions. However, at the end of our conversation, they appreciated my willingness to educate them and I appreciated their desire to listen and learn.
Ignorance breeds racist views. Hence, a lack of knowledge or information about different cultures and ethnicities can lead to us being quick to believe in falsehoods about certain groups without having any real proof or exposure to those people. The extreme falsehoods are especially problematic. I grew up in small-town Ohio where my exposure was mostly to blacks and whites. It wasn’t until I moved to Chicago that I had a chance to interact with and learn more about other ethnicities, religions, customs and beliefs, allowing me to appreciate those differences. Of course, there were stereotypes that I learned as a boy and young man, but they were quickly squashed as I got to learn more about people and their backgrounds. Actually, I’m still learning. But just because some people live in a major city like Chicago, doesn’t mean they’re more accepting. A lot of folks aren’t willing or wanting to learn about other cultures. Chicago, in my opinion, has its segregated issues. Unlike New York or Los Angeles, people from different ethnic backgrounds don’t integrate socially as much. When I first arrived in the Windy City, I recognized the lack of diversity at social events, nightclubs and restaurants. There’s still a problem at many nightclubs in Chicago, where they only allow a certain percentage of people of color in their doors. This is a fact, as I have close friends within the industry that have confirmed this type of practice in their workplace. It was a major reason that led me to create Fete, which initially launched as a progressive dining club introducing folks to new restaurants. During a Fete event, it was refreshing to see new friendships formed, connections made, and relationships developed between like-minded people from different cultural and ethnic backgrounds, which may not have happened otherwise. Every major city has various ethnic pockets, but it’s a problem when no one wants to leave their “hood” and integrate on a social level. Obviously, it’s their choice, but I think it’s important that we somehow figure out how to teach diversity to our kids at a young age, despite our own hang-ups and fears.
The non-profit organization Kids & Race: Changing the Narrative is on a mission to empower adults and children to take responsibility for dismantling racism through conversation and action. They suggest five basic steps when talking to your kids about race:
Step 1. Recognize and overcome your own barriers to talking about race.
Step 2. Present information.
Step 3. Allow and give space for emotional response.
Step 4. Think about what you and your child can do to fight for racial justice.
Step 5. Get moving!
Systemic racism and discrimination will continue to perpetuate itself in our society when the following happens: Your child grows up in a homogenous environment and only associates with kids that look like them and act like them. They then attend a homogenous university, get hired by a homogenous corporation and eventually are elevated to a position of power responsible for bringing good people into the organization. Naturally they hire people that are most like them. The opportunity to diversify is lost and the cycle continues. It’s not their fault, per se. They’re only doing what is natural to them. If they’re not exposed to diversity while growing up, how could we expect them to relate to someone different from what they’re used to? It happens. It’s reality. I’ve seen it and experienced it, but we must all do better.