Years before that, my betrothed had also become unknowingly intertwined in my fantasy—The first time I laid eyes on him, at 17-years-old, I marked him as the Knight in Shining Armor who was to whisk me away into the sunset. Little did I know that I would have to wait 22 years for him to come trotting back into my life. In fact, little did I know him at all (back then or perhaps ever). All I knew was the false hope I projected onto him; a hope no human could possibly live up to… he was to save me, to provide me all the happiness my heart desired.
With every peak exists a valley, and with every contrived culmination a crash. Ours came our wedding night. My new husband, who had become increasingly disheartened with my focus on our guests (he was planning on serenading me and wanted it on him), erupted in anger. Yelling and cussing ensued. My threshold for the rage (as well as with alcohol), had officially been hit. I was agape that, even on our wedding night, I wasn’t immune from such a demonstration and, in my compromised state, I met it in kind (or beyond- either way it wasn’t pretty).
In horror, I awoke the next morning alone, on the couch of our marital suite, to find my ivory wedding gown stained with red wine and my dreams stained with only blurred memories of the fateful night before. I was not only physically sickened, I was sickened with shame. However, my new husband and I, graced as we were by that time with “brushing things under the rug”, managed to work things out enough to at least enjoy our honeymoon, before returning stateside to the reality of our relationship.
If you guessed this story ends in divorce, you would only be partially correct. My husband indeed became my Ex, but the story continued… The piercing pain from the shards of my shattered dreams proved the perfect catalyst for me to finally to face myself. Grace intervened and, for the first time, I was willing to turn within to meet my emotions and the demons I believed were awaiting me. However, when I did so, all I found was love… the source of all the happiness my heart could ever desire. God was indeed answering my prayers for a perfect marriage that day, although not necessarily in the way I hoped… in a way that proved more fruitful than I could have ever imagined.
For guidance mining the “gold” and wisdom from your emotions and experiences, I serve as an Integrative Life Coach and would be happy to schedule a complimentary discovery session with you. Find me on Facebook at GLO Transformational Consulting and I will in turn help you, find you.