I’m not a relationship expert, but sometimes find myself giving advice to many of my friends about their relationships. I’ve been told that I give good, sound, sensible, reasonable advice, so I thought that I would touch on a topic that many people struggle with. When two people start a relationship there’s no doubt that the dynamics of both of their lives change. Some changes may significantly affect one person more than the other, but obviously there are a number of variables that can play in to who is making most of the sacrifices. As relationships mature, we battle a natural resistance to change, especially when we’re being pulled from both sides. Sides that include our significant other, kids, friends, family or co-workers and sometimes even our health. The battle that we’re all fighting is to win both time and attention, which results in the proverbial “Tug-o-War”.
The Just Dating Relationship
How many times have you’ve met someone new that you were all giddy about? Your excitement for that person was through the roof and you couldn’t wait to talk to them, spend time and introduce them to your friends. You found yourself making plans with them on days that you would normally hang out with your BFF and then gradually started to neglect your besties over the course of a few months. At first your friends were happy for you, but then they just became annoyed, because they’ve seen that pattern before. Meet. Fall in love. Neglect your friends. Break up. Then go back to calling your friends again. Annoying! In my experience, I’ve heard this mostly from women, but I’m sure some guys go through this as well. There is a flip side to this however. There are many of your friends that pose as being happy for you, but in actuality, they’re a little jealous, because you found this amazing person. Their jealousy is not meant to be malicious in any way, because deep down they do want the best for you. However, jealousy may stem from their fears of losing a good friend to a guy, especially if that person doesn’t have a man of their own to hang out with. I’ve seen this firsthand and believe me it isn’t pretty. It’s actually kind of selfish and silly. Eventually there may be a tug-o-war going on between your new guy and your bestie. But how do you balance spending time with both to avoid that struggle?