submit to you something new: The UnBucket List, a list of things I vow NOT to do. If I have to face mortality, even in the long view, this list will help me focus on what’s most important, what makes me the happiest, and gives me permission to ignore the rest.
Don’t make excuses for saying No. If there is any sort of a rainbow after the storm of last year, it’s the relief of saying no. While I have extrovert tendencies, the introvert in me is happiest with my family, or with just a person or two, and my small circle of close friends. Treasure time with those you love most and say no to the rest.
Don’t confuse busy with happy. This is related to #2. You don’t have to do everything, or even anything, sometimes. Downtime is important. You can be busy and happy but also not busy and happy. The choice is up to you, no pressure. Slow down; it’s OK.
Don’t over-explain. Nobody wants to know your thought process, and you don’t owe it to anyone to explain. Want to know more? Too bad. Tell the truth and stick to it, and you won’t have to tell the backstory.
Don’t feel guilty. My favorite meditation teacher, Joseph Goldstein, says that most guilt is self-centered behavior. You feel guilty because you think you are the center of interest for everyone. For the most part, people don’t notice you; and most of your guilt is just ego in overdrive. Everyone makes mistakes. Make amends if you need to, but let it go.
Don’t ignore your needs. It’s easy to get lost in caretaking for everyone to the detriment of your own health. Don’t forget to feed yourself, literally and figuratively, or you will starve.
Don’t ignore your intuition. The biggest mistakes I’ve made have come after I acted in opposition to my best instincts. Trust your intuition – in love, work, and friendships – and whatever happens, you will at least be true to yourself. In the past few years of meditation practice, I’ve come to realize that a quiet