arch 12, 2009
was my first yoga
class. I walked
into a small, semi dark room in downtown Chicago after googling studios that might offer a class compatible with my schedule. I’d just lost the hearing in my left ear and it was affecting my balance in a massive way. At the time I was working in a corporate cubicle farm and it was embarrassing ping-ponging down the hall whenever I had to walk to the copy machine. One of my co-workers suggested I try a yoga class and that’s how I ended up anxiously sitting in a patchouli filled room on a beautiful spring evening.
As a theater student in college, I had definitely taken a few movement classes, but it was
more about learning how I
could use my body to pretend to be someone else. Looking back, I can see how an abusive childhood, struggles with disordered eating and Western patriarchal beauty standards had created a real chasm in my relationship to my physical form.
When I lost my hearing I was so disconnected - I couldn’t see the signs that something was going wrong. I was on a road trip and wanted to make it to my destination so while I felt progressively sick all day, I ignored it. I continued to push through the messages my body was sending until finally, at what felt like the worst possible moment, I became so sick that I had to pull over and call for help.
Now, one month after that terrifying evening that changed everything, I had never been more aware of the space my body was taking up. I set my borrowed mat up in the back of the room, near a wall in case I lost my balance and wondered if I’d be able to keep up with the size 2 Lululemon clad crowd.
The experience was nothing like what I expected. Something about the flow of postures, the level at which I had to concentrate on following along, and the instructor’s calm voice harmonizing with the vibrations of sound bowls was magical. It was the first time in my life that I can ever remember the “itty bitty shitty committee” (my mental monologue) not telling me about how horrible I was. After that first class I knew I wanted more.
I was able to negotiate private lessons with the woman who had taught class and that summer my yoga practice blossomed. Not only was my balance getting better, but I was feeling stronger and more connected to myself overall. Best of all, I started to feel confident enough to start my own business. It had always been a dream of mine, but terror of the unknown held me back. Since I was getting comfortable facing my fears on the yoga mat, I started feeling braver in every area of my life. In August of 2010, a little over a year after my first yoga class, I left my corporate job for the last time.
With no 9-5 set schedule, I committed to practicing yoga every single day
Photo Credit Jordan Nix
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