MRI, which I had in June. When I went back in July for the results I was told I had a prolapsed disc between my L4 and L5 vertebrae. I asked him what that meant in English and he said that the disc at the bottom of the Lumbar area of my spine had slipped and bulged out. He said it was probably a combination of having had two children, being over 40, the repetitive motion of bending and twisting to clean and do laundry and pick up after my kids. I - like every kid in Canada - had also fallen numerous times in the winter - sometimes slipping on ice, but usually wiping out while sledding. I also fell down our basement stairs back in Canada and fractured my tailbone, and this probably didn’t do me any favours either.
I went through the frustration of being seen by the Pain Management team who could not do anything but offer me an epidural injection as they refused to operate. As long as I had some sort of mobility, they were not willing to take the risk. I was given an epidural injection at the end of November 2014. It didn’t help at all and I actually felt worse pain after. However, I did find out something cool. When the specialist was using an x-ray machine to determine where to put the injection, he discovered that I was born with an extra Lumbar vertebra. I am one of the 10% of the population that has six lumbar vertebrae. I remember asking the anesthesiologist if an extra vertebra would give me any superpowers or at least a cape and I was disappointed when he told me I would not.
I kept hoping that God would somehow fix me and make my pain go away. My first concern when I was injured was that I couldn’t go to the gym and I would get massively fat. It caused me great stress when I could no longer do the laundry and housework and that I would have to ask for heIp from my family. I have come to believe that God’s plan wasn’t to fix me - at least, not yet - but to help me have a new life perspective.
From the epidural injection until now I have had two more MRIs done. There has been some slight retraction, which means that orthopedics will not operate. However, it has not fully retracted and is not expected to. I was diagnosed officially with Raynaud’s Syndrome in July 2015, although I have had the symptoms since I was 15. I have had several trips to different Rheumatologists and while Arthritis and Lupus are fully ruled out, Fibromyalgia was diagnosed in December 2015. I have had some of the symptoms since my twenties, but it has only been severe since September of 2014. I was put on the maximum dose of co-codomal (paracetamol & codeine) in July 2014 and I still take it to help ease the pain in my back. I have been on Gabapentine at the maximum dosage since September 2014 to try to help with the Fibromyalgia pain. I finally asked a GP for help with my anxiety and depression in December 2015 and I was put on the maximum dose for Sertraline.
I find that all of this helps somewhat, but I still get anxious and struggle with depression. I used to worry that I was being a bad Christian because I wasn’t always happy and calm. I took me a long time to realise that these were all feelings that were okay to have, but I had to find a way to live with them. I definitely had to find a way to handle my life, and it wasn’t until I realised that I had to “Let go and let God.” It seems pretty straightforward, but it’s not easy. I wanted to be in control of everything because letting go was really scary. I still feel that way, but I am working on changing it.
I used to pray to be fixed all the time. I have come to realise after trying physiotherapy, pool therapy, osteopathic adjustments and massage therapy that God isn’t going to fix me just yet. I believe that he is using my situation for something better.
I kept hoping that God would somehow fix me and make my pain go away
About The Author: Meghan French | Instagram: @meghani.french