08
Story 2
It was a fairly mild assault. I recognize that people have had much worse
than I have. He thought he was being sexy and that when I implied that I
didn’t want something with my body, than he was supposed to pursue and
keep pressing until he got what he wanted. I didn’t explicitly say no, but
if he were paying attention to what I was feeling he would have stopped
immediately. I kept sliding my hips off the bed, he was really horny. He
kept saying, “Your falling off the bed” in a joking manner, but he just
didn’t piece everything together; the fact that I was sliding off the bed so
he couldn’t stick his fingers anywhere. He always acted like he was the best
boyfriend and he would always stress consent, but I guess one day he was
just horny enough and confident enough about his consensual past actions
that he thought it was okay to stick his fingers in my vagina when I was
not smiling, I was not looking at him and I was moving away very obvi-
ously. He did it and I didn’t want it, that was evident, and that qualifies, to
me, as assault.
I broke up with him, he doesn’t know the real reason why. I know this is
the opposite of what all the sexual assault programs say, but there is so
much power behind those words that I didn’t tell many people but my
closest friends. I don’t want him to get in trouble. If he needs to be con-
fronted it is going to be me and him alone. Society has such raging power
that I am scared for him more than myself. Don’t get me wrong, I hate
what he did and when I see him I feel invaded and disgusted, but I also
know that we all have struggles in our lives and we all need to figure out
how we fit into our places (even if we are horny). My friends understand
how I feel about this and they are very supportive of my experience and
talk with me when I want to talk. I know one of them who understands
completely and that is all I really need.